12/19/2013 03:12:00 pm | Thursday 19 December 2013
~=+Ian+=~
Life's little irony was when I 1st saw the pregnancy test kit back in August 2012. Being a person with a weak health, I didn't know that I could every see the positive results on a pregnancy test kit. During that time, I was going thru a very rough patch in my life. Your daddy wasn't working cos we were just on our road to recovery from a motor accident. I just changed job to a new company and I didn't even know if I could keep the job for long as its a sales job n it was very demanding. Life was really tough and it was a hard decision to whether or not to keep this precious life I just conceived.
There were a lot of commotion going on. As daddy and I almost broke up due to the fights over fundamental issues. Nevertheless, daddy brought me to a doctor in Malaysia where I took a 1st glimpse at you. A lot went thru my mind, I was super emotional. I kept wondering if I would be the best mother to you. I was a failure in life, always have been drinking my life away. I cant even provide for myself, set alone how am I suppose to be there for you if I were to keep you? Yet again, I prayed and after much pondering, your daddy n I have decided to keep you.
We packed our bags and left Singapore to daddy's home in Malaysia as mummy could no longer keep my job and we can no longer afford a place to stay in Singapore. Life in Malaysia was tough. Perhaps due to the conservative society and the fact that daddy and I were not married yet. Words of scornfulness were ringing each day. And every moment was hurtful. Many thoughts keep running in my mind and I keep asking myself whether I made a right choice to move in with daddy in Malaysia? As the day gone by, you grew older, I can feel you moving inside me and that was what kept telling me to be strong. Since I have decide to keep you, I can only pray to God that all these awful people would stop calling you names and making my life difficult to go on.
All these while with you in me, I pulled up all the courage that I could ever gather. I tell myself that for your sake I must be as strong as I can ever be. Even though daddy's mummy even asked me to kill you before you can come to Earth, the more I tell myself that I have to protect you at all cost. As your movements in me got stronger, sometimes I find it hard to even sleep at night. But I know that all is going to be worthwhile. Because, daddy loves me with all his heart and of cause he will love you with his life and protect too.
And on 04th April 2013 at 6am in the morning, my water burst, and I know I am going to see you for the 1st time. Daddy and I decided to come back to Singapore to deliver to you because back in Malaysia, there are just too many people out to hurt you with scornful and sour words. Its hard to explain why, just in simple words, one man's poison is another man's antidote. Your daddy may have been a good person to those in Malaysia, but to u and me, your daddy is the greatest daddy anyone could have wished for. The moment your daddy and I heard your cries, we cried too. Because we just love you so much and happy to see you.
After you were being cleaned up, I held you for the 1st time, and that moment on I know that no matter what happens, I am going to love you, protect you, be there for you and give you my very best.
And daddy help you tightly too. He too will love you with n protect you with his life. This path to have you is the best choice that daddy and I ever made.
You are just daddy's pride. And never fail to make his day. And I know for sure that because of you, daddy has learn to become a better person he ever was. And me too that I am glad I am no longer the party drunkard I used to be.
Day by day as you grew, you looks changes.
And day by day as you grow, my love for you grew too.
We have made our vows to care for you and make this family complete .
And as u progress further, you never fail to entertain us with your cuteness.
Soon, u learn to flip over and begin to be that mischievous little baby.
Daddy and I finally got married on 21st September 2013. and of cos we brought you to the occasion. you are considered our little witness of love. Honestly, without you, perhaps daddy and I will never learn how to love you n how to love each other more everyday.
And yes, there you are. Everyday never failing to smile and fill our lives with so much joy.
You are such a happy baby you know. Always showing us your cute n happy face.
Daddy and I can cannot imagine our days without you. and we cherish every moment we can have together as a happy n loving family. Though life itself still hover problems for daddy n I to face n yet to solve. Still, I believe with hard work and perseverance, God will lead us away from unhappiness. At least, for now, we are together as one family, home in Singapore and away from all those people with evil mouths.
So, keep on smiling for us Ian boy. God bless this baby boy of mine to grow up healthy, strong and happy each day. I am thankful that I was put through so much hardship during my pregnancy. Cos it was only thru such physical and mental "training" that I became a determine n head strong mother for you. And I will remain strong n protect you with my life. I love you Ian. and daddy loves u too.
12/11/2013 11:51:00 pm | Wednesday 11 December 2013
~=+11.12.13+=~
今天的日历显示的日期是 - 2013年12月11日
看这个美丽的次序，相信创世纪中只会发生那么一次。
在这样的一个夜晚，到家会是在干嘛呢？
可能会有人是和家人在一起，也会有人跟自己爱的人在一起。。也许也会有些人是独自一个人度过。在很多人眼里，今天也不过是一个普通的一天。
上班的上班。。游玩的游玩。。
我呢？
今天也没什么特别。
一早起身就是为了孩子忙。。煮煮粥，抹抹地，洗洗这个，洗洗那个。。
可能就这样忽略了老公。
现在，正在写这部落格的我是在宝宝睡着了在写的。
老公现在正在值夜班。
今天的他应该是十分忙碌。。。我到现在还未看到他上线facebook。
有时候想想，我是不是管老公管的太紧了呢？
我也不懂要怎样回答这个问题。
或许是因为我和老公的日常生活现在可说是日夜相隔，所以照成了我残生许多不平衡。
眼看着其他人的家庭是过着正常，开心，温暖的生活，我不禁心里有些忧伤。
老公长怪自己 - 不懂英文，没读过几年书，所以只能做回烧腊这个老本行。
做生不如做熟，所以选择了值夜班。。
我经常·提醒自己，这是短暂的。
总有一天老公是可以过回白天的正常生活。
我也常觉自己不要其人有心，无中生有。。
叫我自己好好顾好这个家，带好宝宝。
心里怎样不好受也要忍着眼泪来度过。
唯一不让我胡思乱想的方式就是让自己累垮。。
让自己忙忙忙。。。 一心一意对宝宝。。 什么都不想。。
可是这个举动竟然却伤了老公的心。。。 让他觉得我忽略了他。
我想是时候我开始平衡一下我自己。。
上网看看资料要如何学会在老公和孩子之间做出一个公平的爱戴。。。
夜了。。
我不要想那么多了。。
大家晚安了。
