Christmas has juz passed by. And soon it will be the end of 2009 and the begining for 2010.. and Jan 1st will still arrive.. Jan 1st ... does he still remember? or he has forgotten?



sometimes, i ask myself, is it worth all the effort staying alone in solitude? is it worth being alone and locking myself away from the world?

its so painful.. the pain is so unbearable.



and i feel very vexed each time i have to come back to a place which is not my home.. a place whr i cant hv my own corner and be alone.. sometimes i still text him, juz simple updates about how my daughter is doing, even email him and tell him wads going thru my mind. but i am only greeted with the silent treatment.



anyway ... i have not broken down for a very long time. and i think last nite i did. must be the holiday seasons.. the mood of love n joy and yet i am being forced to spend it wit ppl i barely knw ... frens whom i wrk with.



6mths without him by my side.. and im not reli used to. In the past he used to always be there. no matter how drunk i gotten. probably i have taken him for granted.

somehow, i juz feel a wrong step in life can really make a person wake up from their inner sleep. and ur soul will soon be realised after you have realise you mistake .. wadever they maybe.

the pain .. the sorrow that burrows within the heart .. and makes me feel so numb towards certain things. even food feels blend. nothing seems rite.

perhaps now den i realise the real meaning to the world kinship and family.
the hurt kenot be undone. the pain .. i only hope that time will soon let it heal but looking at the healing process, its slow and torturous

~=+SHYNNA MAY NOT HEAL+=~

Surrealistic Shynna





Sometimes I am really sick of the way some ppl are thinking now a days. I met a few ppl in fact. They come frm this particular webby called WLNY in short.. I guess most of you will know what webby is that. And there are just some ppl there whom are ... i dunno ... low class? perhaps, lewd .. or even .. i dunno.. juz simply cant find the correct term to label them.

I juz had a conversation with one of them today. Which i think he ... argh ....

in the begining was the hi and intro then started to ask abt my occupation. I wrote my occupation as a surrealist on WLNY .. which oftenly makes ppl think "hey, wad's a surrealist?"
Surrealism is the opposite of realism ... duhz !! i blog abt it b4 in the previous entries.

Anyway ... so .. i am an admin by day, a waitress by nite. i Blog .. write .. wadever ... ok juz wadever. Then i am being thrown the "y take up so many jobs? so in need of money?"

Well, as a single mum with so many bad debts to clear - OF COS !! and who would complain of having too much money rite? got extra income then just do it.

The next question i was being thrown is " Y dun u go free lance? u knw the sexual thingy. i knw of many gals who do it to clear bad debts."

Str8 away, to me was like WTF is this guy thinking? Will u ask ur mum or sister to go do such things if they need to clear debts? WTF is in the mind of this bugger?? What is his up bringing like>? OH MY GOTH!! SHALLOW!!! and noting the fact that this is de 1st and it will be de last conversation i am going to have with him. I am juz an acquaintance and .. GOTH! wad an impression he had left.

and then there are some in which ... i dunno ... the next guy frm WLNY :: ~
this fellow ask me if i drink. Well, of cos i do. i am a part time waitress for Goth's sake..
the next moment he say " Come my hse to drink la, i stock up alot of red wine"

WALAO EH!! no money to treat me go out drink izit? or juz simply wana make me drunk den have a gd fuck? CB ... wad is wrong with these ppl? dun even have money to come to the pub i wrk in to patronize? ish~

Some will ask "wat u doin now?"
Dun u guys knw that this is a very VERY wrong pick up line? y dun u just start off with "hi, hows ur day?"
short simple sweet..

the pick up lines i come across in WLNY includes the following below:

* hi can make fren or not? ( lame .. dis is a "make fren" webby rite? so y still ask>?)

* u got nice pic. can make fren? (of cos u can comment on the pic but wad's with the can make fren when its obviously a "fren making" webby?)

* u look hot babe. (NOTE : i hate being call BABE .. ~ewe~ .. guys think its sexy but to me its ... +speechless+)

* HI there, wana go club. u sure wan go de cos u dun look like a "guai" gal to me. (WTF.. y dun u go bang the wall?)

*u look hot, can i fuck u? (SIBEI STR8 FORWARD.. y dun u go fuck ur mum?)

* one wrote a LONG and flowery poem. If i remember correctly he is like 20 - 21.. a long n dumb poem to me is like a major turn off.. he wrote something like " u are the sun in the sky and when we meet up it will be like butterflies floating to flowers as u float gently into my arms"
OH MY FUCKING GOTH!!! wat is dis distorted little boy thinking??????????????!!!!!!!

well ... guys ..
if u wana knw gals, be natural.
choose a not so "catchy" pick up line.
comments on pics, can be simple like, hey ur smile looks great. hows ur day? hope u are doing great. ... etc ...

not the .... dumb lines ... argh !


~=+Shynna is LMAO cos of these encounters+=~


Surrealistic Shynna





Woots ~
Saturday after i went to flush out the damn acid in my tummy, i went to meet Jeff for movie. +Twilight ~New Moon+

Vampire Love ... When Vamps fall in love .. its forever. +Sweet+
Den went to have a quick bite at Burger King. After which went to meet my dear ah how and the Storm Warriors Calvary. ~Army of 15 Warriors in total~

This 15 warriors consist of the ppl whom still knw me as KITTY !! my god !! KITTY!! this name is like 10-12yrs old and yet they still rmb me as kitty. Buahahahaha~

well, its heart warming that they still rmb me. Most importantly is the company of ah how that makes it more worth while. This close friend of mine.. oways so close yet .. aaahh well... our relationship is juz so hard to explain.

we never reli dated. only been so close to each other for all these donkey years. And the reason we did not spark off - we juz dun wana tarnish this closeness that we have developed after so many years. or should i say its an open relationship of 13yrs?? hmmm!~ sometimes it reli keeps me thinking.

He is someone who may not be always physically there but he is someone who is oways mentally there. He knws me thru n thru.. read my thoughts as clear as crystal and his words always keeps me moving... whenever i am down .. depress, i dun even need his long hours phone call.. juz a shout out in my facebook or juz a simple sms with that few magical words... it makes everything so amazing ...


This ultimately close friendship has no words to describe... all i can say is ... after that nite at storm warriors, we went to Nana for a few drinks.. lolss

The frenzy at nana is shit !! no words to describe as well. although i felt sick and tired .. but well, ah how kept me company all nite long. i din drink alot cos he controlled my drinking ... he knws of my medical condition completely well so ya ... he controlled my drinking and my smoking.

Ah how ... shynna ... oways gd gd frens.. lets hope that this friendship can last for the next 14yrs ... and .. lol ... by than we can be hand in hands in phuket!! bahahahaha!!

当每个人都放弃我时，你是唯一一个一直守候在我身边的知己。

蒿

~=+Shyn n How Forever+=~


Surrealistic Shynna





人生走了几十年， 往往一定会回头看看， 然后再问一问自己，着些年来到底逗了以圈，为何还是留在原地？

然而，每天晚上的花天酒地，每天的醉生梦死， 一旦过去了，就只剩下浪子独自一人。回头再看，却什么也看不到。 一切都是一片黑暗。

浪子只能带着醉意，四出搜寻，看看在夜深人静里，还会有谁来真心凝听他的心事。显然的，难得找到了人，但却没有勇气去面对 对方。狼子只好抱着对方，落下了无奈的眼泪。当对方被泪感动时，天也就慢慢的亮了起来。

太阳照旧生了上来，地球依旧不停转动。依然是个全新的一天。每一样事物也照旧的会到了原来的所在。跟往常一样，浪子忘了自己的所作所为，对方也终究回复到重来不认识浪子的日子。。。

着样的生活依旧重复了三个星期。。。。
不知何时才会停止呢？

是种想想，浪子的眼泪是在为谁而落？
这重重的问题还是在对方的脑海里盘旋。。。

每天醉生梦死的生活，过这没有明天的日子，会耐得了多久呢？

对反觉得好乱啊。。。。。 只知道浪子的泪以深深的留在对方心里，永远不会忘记。。。。。

~=+Shynna is in a dilemma and confusion+=~

as the ray of day break beyond the horizon, and a brand new day is being welcome, all is back to normal... if its possible, i wish that the nite will never end and that split moment of tears would last ... n not forgotten for the sake of a drunkard stupor.....

my heart is aching .... argh~~~







Surrealistic Shynna





Its on of those Fridays in office slacking and thinking of alot of dumb and silly things. And there are a few daunting things in my mind.

A few things happen on and off, juz like a repetitive cycle and it reli keeps me thinking.. hmm~

1) y are there so many ppl who are uncertain of themselves?
2) y are there ppl whom like to start things they cant stop?
3) y are there ppl whom are so insensitive and dun care abt others' feelings?
4) y are there idiots in this world whom like to gif empty promises?
5) y are there ppl whom are juz full of nonsense and shit?
6) y are there ppl whom like to "fly aeroplane"?
7) y are there ppl whom simply love to play ppl out and juz leave without a word??

Geez ... i have no idea how to answer all these qns that i have mentioned above...

perhaps i am the dumb one instead ... argh !!

or

perhaps, its time i change my personality again.
the world can never be simple.. though i've been wanting a simple life, and somehow am leading a simple life... till ..... recent dumb events which i dun wish to elaborate..

everything back to normal now i guess. im juz sad, not depress!!

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! juz enjoy the simplicity.

~=+Shynna love the SIMPLICITY+=~



Surrealistic Shynna