5/30/2008 12:42:00 am | Friday 30 May 2008
~=+Tarot Reading for Month Of May+=~
Person 1:
The Hermit (05/11/1982)
Person 2:
The High Priestess (04/10/1977)
"The Hermit" and "The High Priestess"
The humanitarian instincts of the Hermit naturally appeal to the fair-minded Priestess. Accordingly this partnership works splendidly when the two are aligned toward a common cause. Otherwise, the needier Priestess can feel her companion is off on yet another inner or outer quest at the expense of creating a loving union.
The Priestess needs to allow the Hermit the freedom to save the world and be responsible for everyone else. Yet, the Hermit truly savors the attention and care of a Priestess partner who is innately in tune with the Hermits true feelings.
In exchange for this deep understanding, the Hermit will often soften the "I am just fine" shields and let vulnerability happen. When this occurs, this union can go beyond mutual admiration into deep and profound love.
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5/26/2008 01:51:00 am | Monday 26 May 2008
~=+The Half Year Review+=~
Dis week marks the begining of the annual june holidays in which all singapore primary n secondary school kids will be having. As usual, its also the time i will intro my kids whom i am teaching. like de past years i wrote about my tuition kids in my old blogs, i am going to pen about them today. ^^
Its never easy having to teach so many kids at one go. At the same time knowing that their results will be the key to keeping my job well done. Geez....
well, dis year i din teach alot of kids due to my personal problems and also having to move house so many times within a year... *tiring* T.T
hmm~ lets start with disha and shalin. both of them are sister and brother. disha failed her maths... and i kinda expected it will happen.. but i would still like to say that she did put in alot of effort in her studies and im sure at the end of dis year she will do better den now. as for her brother shalin, he manage to scrap pass his english and even topped his class for mathematics .... *yeah*
As for poor syfiq, he has exam phobia... geez... its hard for me to actually help him to overcome dis issue so... end of the day i encouraged his parents to tell his form teacher about dis problem. for a p6 boy, he seem bright. but cos of his fear and anxiety, he cant perform... poor boy... i will try my best to encourage him as much as i can.
and also little shannon(p2). she has very busy parents and she's often left alone at home. i enjoy having lessons with her as she likes to tell me stories that happened to her in school. her little mind needs alot of guiding and she needs someone to constantly talk to her. she is very weak in her english language as she and her family members converse mainly in maindrain. i had a lil spare time today, so i made her a lil scrap book made of magazine cut outs on apperals and accessories. din have a snap shot of it cos no time to take..zzz i hope that when i pass it to her, she will like it. ^^
den is jana(p5). jana is a quiet gal whom has a barrier in mathematic. poor jana... accordding to her mummy, she met into a very nasty teacher when she was in p3. it resulted in her having a hatred for numbers and sums. and this gal is oftenly being bullied in school. she din manage to pass her maths for dis SA1 but nevertheless, she made alot of effort to make her marks better den b4. she passed her paper1 in which to both me n her mummy is a tremendous miracle for her. and im also glad that jana enjoys my company. ^^ *shynna loves to brag* ~~~ LOL....
Emelin(sec1) is my best gal. i had her since she was in p6. sweet emelin passed and topped her class. i love her so much. we talk about anything and everything. her mummy also supports me alot in my personal problems which i am facing recently. thanks to you emelin and linda. i appreciate your support.^^ and emelin, thanks for thr lil note u left for me in my pencil case.. haha... i stapler it to my note book so i can look at it everyday.. ^^
wow... dis year so lil students for me to comment about. well for the rest of them like parvin, tricia, yanling.... and also last years shannon yap, sherman and so many many if those... i rememeber their faces but forgotten their names.... OMG.... i miss all of them alot. and also my hp number has been changed ... so most of those past year kids kenot sms me anymore... geez ...
and for shazz and nyral who din do well, all the best in the future. dun think so much, juz work hard to ya targets. and also no point to brag abt NUS or NTU. its how much limitations you have not the say say oni attitude.
i've tried my best.. its never easy. but hey hey, im not giving up. ppl who are still seeing me dis june... i am going to push push push.... no time to slack... haha^^
its anime time now... love it.
and monday marks the day of his return from thailand.. Oo ... miss him so much.
Natsuki Kuga and her side kick Duran from Mai Hime... Lovely ^^
5/25/2008 05:06:00 am | Sunday 25 May 2008
~=+DEAD+=~
SHYNNA HAS CONCEIVED SORROW
~=+shynna is dead+=~
dead to the world
dead to everyone
dead to everything...
left alone
where are you when i needed you most?
cry... sob... struggle...
cut up...
FUCK YOU~~
FUCK ALL OF YOU TO HELL....
~=+SHYNNA TRUST NO ONE BUT HERSELF+=~
5/23/2008 02:02:00 am | Friday 23 May 2008
~=+Friends+=~
Friends - They are such wonderful ppl to have..at the same time they can be a pain in the neck.
Friends - They can share your problems..
at the same time create prblems for you too..
Friends - They can stand up for you when you are being bullied by others.
at the same time they can oso be the ones who bully you for some reason.
Friends - They can over look your flaws, forgive and forget, tell you opinions and make you a better person.
at the same time, they can be the ones who pretend that nothing has ever happened after a fight and conspire a plot to tear you down at the most down moment of your life.
No matter what happens, Friends are the ones who will remain true to u in any sense. Only true frens will tell you ya mistakes and faults and make you into a better person.
If friends hold grudges and hide everything, plan to get back on you in any sense, den such ppl are juz not worth keeping at all.
Everyone commit mistakes in life. If you feel that you cant forgive the person's mistakes den its time to move on. No point to look back and hold on to the hatred. And at the end of de day plan an ambush and involve ppl who are not aware of de actual situation at all.
its sad that after all these years, i keep on have misjudgements on certain ppl and certain issues. i try to keep positive, thinking that friends are the ones whom i can rely on since i dun have a complete family.
but end of the day, friends are oso de ones whom cant forgo certain issues and mistakes that i have made. Words are like knives that cut you deeply. Words are also the key to either make you a stronger person or the bomb to total demolition.
In my blogs, even my past entries and older version blog, i write abt my feelings, my thoughts. Oftenly in poems, lyrics... codes that ppl dun understand... even scold some irritants that irritated me. BUT NEVER ABOUT ANYONE"S SONS OR DAUGHTERS AT ALL. COS I AM OSO A MOTHER MYSELF.
And if some of you think that i have done or said something in which you think that you cant forgive, den dun pretend to care abt me.
i am going thru a difficult time in life where i have to make many decisions and trying to iron out my life to make it as simple as can be. and if you feel that by getting back at me at dis point in my life you will feel better, den you reli have succeeded. letting me knw now its oways better den later.
And being ignorant and judgemental due to a 3rd party's comment will bring you nowhere.
if friends cant even confront friends to straighten problems, what are these frens for? if ppl cant even talk nicely and reli knw wat you want in ya heart, den y not try to resolve in other methods? y have to tell a 3rd or even 4th party den conspire a plan to bring down a person?
Friends - what are they for at the end of the day?
now ppl knw y shynna loves to isolate? cos each time she tries to be open and blend in, ppl start to see her as a monster n not a victim.
ppl wana climb high and never realise their mistakes till too late. since i've knwn what is mine, i have never ever wana talk or use that kinda attitude to talk anymore. i juz wana move on. but still.. there are juz some ppl whom cant move on n only pretend to have...
if you think that the person im talking abt is you... den all the best.. you have torn me down in every single way u have. hope that you are happy now. but i wont fall.. i cant. cos of my daughter's custody, not yet..
will only go see a doc after the finalization of the ULTIMATE D...
~=+Shynna Is Torn Apart+=~
it is I that am portrayed as the villian, the wicked queen that is filled with envy and the need for revenge.
Not the broken woman i see before me, looking back with loveless life
The living embodiedment of the wicked queen of fairy tale myths
*adapted from serena valentino, author of Gloom Cookies
5/20/2008 12:56:00 am | Tuesday 20 May 2008
~=+Alone+=~
Hmm~~ Alone in the dark...
As usual its de wee hours and i'm not asleep. As usual I am again putting de pressure on myself. Its time i learn to let go of certain things in life and look ahead.
The emptiness inside of me has obsure my ability to cerebrate anything straight.
Hate Massacre Dejected
Detestation Butchery Desolated
Antipathy Bloodbath Dysphoric
Repulsion Slaughter Gloomy
Repugnancy Carnage Lugubrious
Anathema Annihilate Plaintive
Repellency Vanquish Lamentable
Aversion Decimate Grievous
Abhorrence Slaughter Doleful
Execration Pogrom Melancholy
Loathe Savage Downcast
Decease Demise Dissolution Extinction
Passing Rest Quietus Death
Misanthropical behavior -- Kill them ALL
~=+NECROPHILIC+=~
~=+ SHYNNA IS INSANE +=~
5/18/2008 06:54:00 pm | Sunday 18 May 2008
~=+ Surreal +=~
Surrealism - the direct opposite of realism
its one of my favourite art movements of all. its a dreamy realm where all things are nothing but hallucination. Or should i say its all sheer disorientation?
A best fren once told me: "who doesn't like dreaming? i too love to dream. but dis world does not allow me to dream. somehow, i have to come back to reality, where everything is cruel."
Me:"Agree. i too love to dream. but i am not as realistic as you are... maybe i dun see things the way u do."
She: "of cos. i.ve been working in dis society so many years. seen so many, learnt so many. see till scared. see till sians. you trust ppl too easily. told u so many times. dun be lydat. learn to specualte and account on things before making any major decisions, u oways never listen. den when things happen, u den emo. for wat?"
Me: "i am lost... enuff of ya lecture."
***************************************************************
I feel insensate recently and i have been trying to figure out de reason why.
maybe its cos of my new r/s.
i find that is kinda hard to get to know someone all over again. and partly is cos i have to change some habits of mine.
i hope that i am able to cope and overcome all these changes. my fren thinks that i am de same old me. but i dun agree with that. now a days i reli dun join in conversations that dun concern me at all.
maybe cos i feel that i know nothing and am completly oblivious to this cruel world at all. and also i have been living in my surreal realms for so long... zzz
i wana step out. i wana courageously face this ugly world.
but....
having come from an "addams family" i am a lil morbit. most times illogical over many circumstances. many a times i am being left all alone to figure between rights from wrongs and ofently chosen de wrong ans. and nevertheless, got punished for going de wrong way.
my life has never been very *lala* in fact it has always been very dramatic and landing me in very knotty situations. ppl in my household are all distant.
so...
how courageous can i get??
After all these years of being stagnent, i have lost all confidence in doing anything.
lack of communication ability
lack of dressng sense
lack of comprehension towards MANY MANY MANY things.
i feel so lost and phase out by the ever changing and cruel world.
Now i try to dress normally, talk normally, eat normally, sleep normally.
all i can do is try to adapt to everything. and i wonder if all this is worthwhile?
i am having doubt because i have been a failure in an 8yrs r/s. i dun wan my new r/s to fail again.
on the surface everything is all fine. i try not to emo so much and take things a step at the time. try to understand, yeild, weigh, ponder and speculate each and every single situation properly and precisely before i take my step. i dun wana stumble again.
i dun wana make changes to my lifestlye to fit someone once again den at the end of the day i return back to square one with nothing left to start of with....
from typical ah lian to a home maker to a tutor to a MAD WOMAN... now wat next???? ---- Girl Next Door?? Sweet Shynna??? OMG....
should i try to be open or remain as morbit as i am?
fren say i should start learning to socialize. its still not too late to start now. try going out to de society to work for a change, mix around more and i will slowly see this world better...
maybe i should...
maybe i would...
maybe i ...
i think i juz need a breather. i am trying to be normal. i am trying to fit in. and when that day rely comes and i declare that i am throwing away visual kei.... i think ... that will be de day i start eating pork, drinking soya milk and wearing jeans and tube top for a total change....
geez... and some of the things i am oredi doing now....
T.T
~=+Shynna needs Time+=~
5/17/2008 04:56:00 am | Saturday 17 May 2008
~=+ Phase Out +=~
Each time i look in the mirror, it reflects how time has flown pass. Counting de days gone, it seemed as if it was only yesterday. But in fact it has been 8 long years.
Many a times i asked myself, what have i gain during all these years? Hmm~ upon comtemplation, i would say, i have learnt.
Learnt to be understanding towards a few situations.
Learnt to not be typical over certain issues.
Nevertheless, Learnt to let go.
Things will never be the same again for me in the future days to come.
I am rather confused over many things as i find myself living too long in my own world. I try opening up. and am still trying to open up. try looking at things on de bright side. but..
well.... as de saying goes, the grass is oways greener on de other side.. but how true can dis saying be?
I wana talk things out. i wana trash it all out, wat i want, wat i dun... wats yielding in my inner thoughts... but it juz seem so hard to do it verbally...i cant slp again... maybe drifting in another phase of not eating.. i dunno...
i dunno wats wrong with me again.. each time i have to let emotions drown me so much.
Reminising in my own thoughts ... drifting here and there and end up no where...
i feel so out... out of dis world, not in tune with anything...
everyone around me have all moved on. going ahead to a better life....
den someone told me that dis living world is nothing but an illusion - We Create What We Want To Happen.
but i hav been living in my will-o'-the-wisp for i think... close to 5yrs from then.. wat have i created that is the thing that i have oways wanted? - NOTHING 
I have lived a life of nothingness and still at nothingness although i have been trying so hard..
a best fren of 13yrs drove me nuts.. and i cant believe that i cried over her few words.. wat is fucking wrong with me???
i oways thought that i dun care what others thinks of me. i am who i am, i live happy, eat happy, do things that make me happy and die happy...
but now.... i hav let a few words bring me down... what have i achieve so far? - NOTHING
What do i need right now?? - I DUNNO ...
WHY dun i knw?? - COS I AM FUCKING LOST...
WHY am I SO FREAKING LOST?? - NEITHER DO I KNOW...
i no longer join in conversations that dun concern me...
no longer have hopes... or should i say i dare not have hopes..
no longer have dreams.. or should i say all dreams have turn into nightmares
no longer have courage.. or should i say all along im vulnerable
no longer see things they are.. or should i say have never seen anything at all
Winners make things happen
Losers let things happen..
so ... am i letting things happen or am i making things happen?
lets all wait n see...
shall update on the proceedings of the ultimate D
I am human too... i have feelings... so ... there reli are certain things i kenot say forget n i can juz do it over nite... 8yrs... not long neither isit short... still... since i have chosen.. so ... i guess... dis is it....
~=+SHYNNA NEEDS COURAGE+=~
~=+ HELP +=~
5/15/2008 11:53:00 am | Thursday 15 May 2008
~=+ Symphony of The Night +=~
As the sun set beyond the horizon and welcome the serenade night sky, i got ready to sleep.
As i lay in his arms on his chest, i hear his breathing sliding into a deep n low rumble. There i know that he is drifting into a deep slumber.
As i too drift into my sleep, his breathing got heavier and de rumblings become amplified, i realised he muz have had a tiring day.
Usually i would shove him aside as i cant stand de noise. But this night, i juz lay on his chest and listened. i started weighing my thoughts.
letting my mind surge on its own. i actaully finally eventually .... (nvm) i finalized that he had been labouring real hard thru out the day. i continued resting on his chest. feeling the up n down motion of his breathing. i feel so loved by him. i feel so wanted in his presence. the peace, the placidity. the sense of longingness.
If only this moment could last forever. letting me feel the sense of lull and hush. all my worrries seem so far drowned by this moment. knwing that he had been working so hard to make our future dreams come true.
*snore snore snore*
as it got louder... i found myself drifting to my own slumber too.
the next moment you knw it, i was joining in with the symphony. not very harmonious..... at least ... we snored together...
Then the next morning, we woke up and den this happened : -----
I DIN COMPLAIN BUT HE WOKE UP COMPLAINING TT I ACTUALLY SNORED AT HIS ARMPITS....
><
Write till so romantic.... but got no romantic ending... what THE FUCK????!!!~~~~
NVM... at least now he knws tt i actually gotten use to his symphony... zadao...
><
~=+ Shynna Loves Him Very Much +=~
5/12/2008 11:51:00 am | Monday 12 May 2008
~=+ Changing New Image +=~
Woots~~ another week gone by again O. nothing reli fulfilling when im sick thru out the week. ytd (11/04/08 sunday) was mother's day. ppl in the house bought a cake and we cut it. nothing ceremonial, juz a simple cake cutting session.i was surrounded by all my evil cousins. the house was so noisey.. geez... NOISE NOISE NOISE ~~
And the next thing is tt when i look in de mirror, i realise tt i have been having curly logs for like almost 2yrs... OMG... plain brown colour hair... curly ... have to apply so much hair cream n such jus to style it b4 going out n it often land me late... zzz ><
I guess its time for a change now. i've planned to get my hair REBOND... YESH~ SHYNNA WANS TO REBOND HER FREAKING LOGS...
i wana straighten it den cut it into some kinda anime jappy hair style.. since lolita fashion has been banned by someone.. so i think i go back to jap trend .. at least .. i dunno... ppl can start calling me a poser now... for all i care.. shit.. i dunno wat im toking abt...
maybe its time i bury shynna... a proper burial, a nice ceremony ... a sad n heart wrenching farewell.. T.T
Hmm~ change of image shud b good.. at least i dun look like anyone on de streets and most importantly i dun blend in with them.. HUMANS AGITATE THE HELL OUT OF ME ...
eekkss... nvm.... so ya. 2wks later welcome my new hair.. ^^
~=+ Goodbye Shynna +=~
~=+ Shynna lost her Dreams +=~
5/09/2008 02:28:00 pm | Friday 9 May 2008
~=+Dreams+=~
Dreams are the desires of our subconscious minds. Oftenly ppl usually think that they knw wat they wan and wat they wana fight for. but on the other hand, not many will knw wat lies beyond de deeper thought.Dreams can also be some kind of premonitions in life. Sometimes when a dream happens too often, its time to sit up and start asking a few questions.
Is it that you have been pondring and worrying over some issues or izit a real premonition of the future?
Dreams can also happen when u think over a problem or think over something, even SOMEONE too mucn. quite oftenly this someone muz have left u a deep impression strong enuf for u to dream of him/her. I once had a reoccurring dream of someone b4... and somehow... im now together with tt someone... so, ya .. i do believe that if someone enters ur dreams and u dun reli knw the person, BEWARE!!!!!
Fear, anxiety, stress, trepidation, dreadfulness, distress, torment, solicitude, disquietude... all these can trigger dreams...
and dreams occur in such a mysterious way. some ppl treat it for real, some ppl treat it juz as a thought that runs thru the mind...
Hmm... now its my turn to think too much. being apprehensive over certain things i'd rather not commetn much.
all i can say if other ppl need the lime light so much, they can hav it... i shall remain in solitude...
~=+Shynna Lost Her Dreams+=~
~=+Shynna Lost Her Hopes+=~
~=+Shynna Lost Her Faith+=~
~=+Shynna Lost Her Courage+=~
~=+FIGHT+=~
5/07/2008 12:29:00 am | Wednesday 7 May 2008
~=+ Elucidation Of A Quixotic Weekend +=~
Hmm.. i am sick n down with flu, but it din stop me from having the inspiration of writing dis entry. i have gave it a deep thought and i think i should juz pen it down. ^^When ppl talk abt wkend get aways, they will oways think of going away with a love one to a deserted island or resort to spend it. ofently, if they talk abt a normal budget wkend, its usually plain dinner and movie and end up rotting at either party's home for de night watching an online move... or when de atmosphere allows, *ahem*, there will be a lil intimacy follwed by *sex*..
hmmmm ><
haven ppl knw how to come up with ideas to make these so called wkends more fufilling? its so bored to end up at either party's hse.. often knwing that parents are oways around.. and its like not much privacy at all although its still behind closed doors in de bedroom.... ><
haven ppl knw how to come up with ideas to make these so called wkends more fufilling? its so bored to end up at either party's hse.. often knwing that parents are oways around.. and its like not much privacy at all although its still behind closed doors in de bedroom.... ><
things can be altered in many ways depends on how u look at it. hmmm ... i have gave it a deep thought, well, afterall, its juz an idea.
living in sg sucks a lil as there are no lonely beaches here where its dark enuf to juz spread a mat n count stars. everytwhere is jux too crowded and full of ppl... young n even the old.
and perhaps having to book a hotel room here will cost a bomb. so... y not improvise? jux make do with a sleazy cheap motel at geylang will do. dun hv to be posh, anyway its spending it with someone whom u love n treasure n not with juz any tom dick harry nancy or lulu.... lol ...><
can juz drop by any convinience store, grab a bot of red wine (rmb to buy wine opener), some tit bits if desired, run into a cheapo motel and juz book de room for de nite. well, at least able to enjoy de privacy of being alone, drinking n smoking thru out de nite and most importantly, both of U ARE ALONE!!! lol
drink, chat, snuggle, hug... nice rite? no ppl to disturb. if u wan music can easily pre-download in ya hp n den wala~~~~ MP3 .... new technologies reli makes things wonderful. ^^
having all de auricular spectra, atmosphere right, music right and after de enchantment of de cheapo red wine.... lastly comes all de roamnce and de spark...
nice, cheap. budget ... and most importantly, enjoyable and relishable moment to be spent together.
geez weezz.... im so drowsy by de meds for my sickness... going to hit the quaters now... anyway, dis is oni a suggestion... if u have better suggestions pls tell me thru my cbox.. thanks ^^
~=+ NUMB +=~
~=+ SHYNNA HAS A HEART +=~
5/05/2008 12:32:00 pm | Monday 5 May 2008
~=+Suffocared+=~
Its been another suffocating week that had juz gone by. Gosh~~ cant breathe... busy as usual as dis is de exam wk. even had to teach on a labour day and also thru out the week ends.. went to vivo city for de 1st time in my life on 03/05/08(saturday)
gee wheez... de darn sun was so hot n it reli got to me ><
i could even sweat in an air-conditioned environment.. imagine tt... ><
Den on the very night... FINALLY SOMETHING OUT OF DE NORM HAPPENED!!!
Amy called and i went out with her... OMG.... de 1st sip of iced-cold BEER is so wonderful after 3long fucking wks of not drinking ... >< 
OH YES man.... i went out to drink after i went for a movie n a simple dinner at vivo....
den when i met amy.. she asked me something which made me so difficult to answer her... she asked how come i was wearing jeans? zzzzzz as if i reli felt comfortable in a pair of jeans...
she felt very puzzled that i can actually make do with "rules n regulations" being imposed into my life... well, the thing is i reli feel suffocated at times. but i juz dunno wat to do... and i dun even knw wad will happen in the long run either... nobody can predict.. i shall juz remain submissive at dis very moment... T.T
WHERE IS SHYNNA?????
She's missing for almost 2mths now and she is so sad and alone in her darkness of the ambisymal abyss.....
She feels so terrible.. she's getting mood swings, kenot control her temper.. buy things n shop for things to vent it all out... 
It so terrible when u can feel her yet.. she's so far away. sometimes i ask myself izit worth while to kip her away?
i dun like to kip her away.. i try to be normal. try to fit in... but i think i am going to get into spasms of fits soon if i dun do something abt it... but how?
hav not spoken to tiffy for awhile now, not even to say i think my lolita dresses are going to grow MOULD.. ><
my boots and mary janes are going to get de shoe cancer ... my fish nets?? i think i can gif them away to fisheman to catch fish ... or maybe a mermaid!! Oo
i wan someone who can bring me away frm mankind... not bring me to mankind...
i rmber these were my exact words i told him... and he actually asked me to think over what is it tt i reli wan..
i guess... i think ... i ....
~=+ I AM SUFFOCATED +=~
T.T
