时间过得比我想象的还要快。我还记得以前，当我开始在写部落格的时候，写的都是很多不开心的事，很多心里的约束，悲哀。。。。

现在这么回头一看，我已经离婚 5 年了。这个 5 年里面，我也经历了不烧奋斗，开心与悲哀。卡见了悲欢离合总无情，尝遍了酸甜苦涩。。。也许这就是每个人所谓的成长过程。

人。。。哎 ~ 有些时候，人到底是为了什么而生存呢？

是不是每个人都一定要恋爱，结婚，生孩子，组织家庭，这样才算完整？

对我而言，我竟了 10 年失败的婚姻， 其实心里的恐惧还任然存在。
爱与被爱之间，也说实在的，需要很多磨练，沟通和许多小细节来维持的。

我在一年前做了个没人想得到的决定。那就是，我决定再婚。

我决定给自己一个机会来做个好人。做个好妻子好妈妈。

过去的岁月，夜夜笙歌的饮酒做乐，五日午夜个狂欢，事我变成了行尸走肉。大女儿我放弃了。。。自己的前夫对我来说，只是个没用又没工作的废人。就因为心了的创伤，我选择了用酒来麻醉一切。离婚后，我对人生也完全失去了方向。

我终是觉得，男人嘛 ~ 他们要的也不过是性爱，开心就合，不开心就分。没什么了不起。

当我的年龄开始步入30 时，我慌了。
我开始害怕孤独。开始害怕终老。开始害怕，我的人生，还没开心过可能，我就次就再也么有办法在开心起来了。

不过，老天可能也算照顾我。就再我对`爱情与婚姻非常绝望的那一刻，老天爷竟然让一个能够让我从新做人的男人出现在我的生命里。我自己也不敢相信。。。

我始终还是跟他结婚了。老天爷还送了个可爱的儿子给我们。。。

竟然天要给我一个好好回改的机会，一个好好弥补我过去的不开心的时机，我真的要好好把握。哪怕是失去了一切，我也在所不惜。

是什么让我睁开了眼？
是你爱我的方式。

是什么让我觉悟？
是看着孩子天天快乐成长。

是什么让我放弃一切？
是我对你和孩子的爱。

我感谢苍天可以对我仁慈。在我那么想放弃人生时，带给我一个老公，在我想丢弃自己生命时，把贤贤送给我。

当两个人举起双手许下婚姻诺言时，我们都要知道，从此以后，我们的身份与地位已经不一样了。我们将会永结同心一起手拉手走到老。不管发生什么事情我们都要一起度过。
我们必须接受与遵从我们对彼此的宣示。

现在的我跟过去根本就是完全两个人。
因为 ：
 1) 我是你的老婆
 2）我是贤贤的妈妈
 3）是苍天给我复活的唯一机会

我不想再犯错也不会再犯错。。。
只要你永远在我身旁，我将会像现在一样努力做好妈妈和妻子的本分。

爱~ 只是一个字，并不能让人天长地久。有了爱，没了责任，到了最终还是无法一起包头到老。

为老公和孩子结晶所能才算是一个好妈妈，好老婆。爱老公和爱孩子的背后带着的是牺牲。
牺牲睡眠，用尽全心全意来照顾好他们的饮食起居。教导孩子，让她快乐健康成长。 放弃无谓的娱乐，就算和朋友见面聊天的时间便少了或`没了也无所谓。

这样才算是有爱有责任。

我希望我所做的一切牺牲是值得的。也希望我的全心全意可以让我一辈子快乐，一辈子无忧到死。
唯一的烦恼就是孩子健康吗？老公吃饱吗？不像其他的事情干扰我现在的幸福。。。。。。

我也希望老公会爱我，对我们在结婚时所许下的宣誓给我们的这段婚姻带来永恒。






Surrealistic Shynna






No more drinking n partying.. even the meeting up with friends are like to the minimal. I do everything on a time table basis. From the 1st feed for Ian to making lunch, housekeeping and laundry .. Been a super good girl for so long ...

Ok now, back to the snow pear soup ... The husband is working the night shift in a local 24hr coffee shop and I feel that he needs some soup once in awhile for his health. Therefore I suggest snow pear with white fungus soup.

Ive never boil this soup before and this is my 1st try, although Ive drank it before. I roughly know the basic ingredients for the soup.
1) Snow Pears
2) White fungus
3) Almonds
4) Pork Ribs
5) Wolfberries

I blanch the pork ribs in order to remove the "bone bits" and to have clear soup. Also to rid the soup of the porky taste. Im so excited to make new things all the time. So long the husband is happy with what I am making for him ..

Took the nice effort to boil the soup for like 2hrs ...

Well... its my 1st try and what do you expect? After all was done, the husband asked me to pack the soup in a thermo container so he can bring it to work to drink.

This morning he returned home from work as usual. I asked the husband how was the soup? He gave me a queer look .. his reply, to me, was LMAO ...
"you made me cockroach soup? "

LOL ..... ok ... my mistake .. dumb me.. I think  I added a little too much almonds into the soup and cause the soup to have that "cockroach" taste. He said it was that awful, just that  if I were to make this soup again, be careful not to add to much almonds ...

Well .. nice 1st attempt. Now I know what my mistakes are, I will bear in mind next time when I make snow pear soup again.

And, here is the snapshot of the failed cockroach soup. Looks good, taste weird. =P


Surrealistic Shynna





Oh my GOD !! I can believe that I left my blog to rot for like 2 long donkey years ... I do hope that I can start blogging again n try to bring back some life into this page..

I guess I must have lost a handful of readers ...

Oh well, as it goes, a little update on myself for this past 2yrs. Things go up n down like a roller coaster ride. I was emotional... Overwhelm with emotions ... happiness, sadness, craziness ... nevertheless my life is still as paradoxical as ever.

A general new update is that I have remarry. I have ended my dreadful 10yrs marriage with Tachi n have moved on .. From Charles .. to ... Kevin ... and then to monsters n creatures, not forgetting chevalier .... N now I end myself with a normal person. Not a goth nor rocker .... surprise?

and yes, after I settled down with this man of my life, I have a son. He is now at 7months old n doing well..

I do hope that I can revive this blogger once again ... lets start from now, perhaps I shall write like once to twice a week... lets see if I can get back the responds of readers that I used to have, perhaps bring up the level of readers?

I am still a goth, I never forget the culture that I am brought for and most importantly, I still love metal music. Just that my outlooks have changed to a little mainstream. probably from the stress n exhaustion of have to take care of 7month old Ian ... Im a new mother all over again ..

hmmmm ... shall end here ok? will update soon


a little recent pic of myself before n after makeup ... kinda farfetched from the goth that u guys used to know eh ~~


Surrealistic Shynna