1/20/2010 08:43:00 am | Wednesday, 20 January 2010
~=+I don't Like Explaining at Times+=~
AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!! My laptop died on me again. so recently cant reli update new entries .. and i am writing this EARLY in the morning in OFFICE!!!!!
Things happen all the time. and somehow i am beginning to enjoy the simplicity i am having now. So SO SOOOOooo many yrs i have been a drama mama, drama queen of all times. Having to go through roller coaster rides after roller coaster rides ... ~~~~~~~~~ now that things are slowly taking shape, my band searching beginning to take form, I dun wish for any other distractions.
Sometimes, certain things just have to remain a lil grey. Most times, i cant be bothered explaining when ppl dun understand me.
Why?
cos.. there are too many a times i am left alone in a grey situation to sort out my own thoughts. So, i guess, its time i let others taste back the same feeling ... - being left to think of their own actions.
1) Why begin something you can't end?
2) Why say certain things you don't mean?
3) Why ask for an explanation when you cant even come up with a reasonable excuse yourself?
Yeah.. i think too much at times. i gotten to fucked up by my divorce with Daniel and my break up with Charles and ... perhaps I am locking myself up in a way or other.
Daniel - a guy whom i got married to for 10rs ..
Charles - a guy whom i fallen so madly in love with ..
Not forgetting ... Ah how ... someone whom is always there for me .. but we can never move on to a higher level.. can only remain as friends forever ... And also he is someone whom i really appreciate and cherish for the whole of my life. No one can be as sincere as him as to not to hurt me and not to breech my trust .. someone who carries no bad intentions on me, be it physically or emotionally.
Argh !~~
Weak ... i feel weak. I'm oways afraid of the appearing creature. (for ppl whom have been following my blogs will knw wat does creature means)...
Am always afraid of landing in a predicament when the creature appears.. And of cos i am in a state of a SHYNNARICAL CONFUSION ... cos ....
1) i dunno what he wants from me
2) i dunno if he will hurt me ... be it physically or emotionally ... (at least tell me what he wants.. a fling? a committed or non-committed R/S???!!!!! )
3) i dunno if i should trust him
therefore .. when he asked me for an explanation for the dumb sms ... i got no ANSWER!!!
+sigh+
Perhaps ... certain things are better left unexplained .. .
~=+Shynna is in a shynnarical state of CONFUSION!!!!!+=~
Surrealistic Shynna
