Christmas has juz passed by. And soon it will be the end of 2009 and the begining for 2010.. and Jan 1st will still arrive.. Jan 1st ... does he still remember? or he has forgotten?



sometimes, i ask myself, is it worth all the effort staying alone in solitude? is it worth being alone and locking myself away from the world?

its so painful.. the pain is so unbearable.



and i feel very vexed each time i have to come back to a place which is not my home.. a place whr i cant hv my own corner and be alone.. sometimes i still text him, juz simple updates about how my daughter is doing, even email him and tell him wads going thru my mind. but i am only greeted with the silent treatment.



anyway ... i have not broken down for a very long time. and i think last nite i did. must be the holiday seasons.. the mood of love n joy and yet i am being forced to spend it wit ppl i barely knw ... frens whom i wrk with.



6mths without him by my side.. and im not reli used to. In the past he used to always be there. no matter how drunk i gotten. probably i have taken him for granted.

somehow, i juz feel a wrong step in life can really make a person wake up from their inner sleep. and ur soul will soon be realised after you have realise you mistake .. wadever they maybe.

the pain .. the sorrow that burrows within the heart .. and makes me feel so numb towards certain things. even food feels blend. nothing seems rite.

perhaps now den i realise the real meaning to the world kinship and family.
the hurt kenot be undone. the pain .. i only hope that time will soon let it heal but looking at the healing process, its slow and torturous

~=+SHYNNA MAY NOT HEAL+=~

Surrealistic Shynna