=+~My Life Stories+=~

7/27/2008 01:57:00 am | Sunday, 27 July 2008

~=+ My Weekend With Hao +=~

Yoyoyo~~

Dis weekend was a lil special.. no more with Charles.. my Saturday is no more Charles' Day.. its back to Shynna's day.. yeah... freedom n GOTH!! most important is GOTH GOTH GOTH~~~

me and Hao..

we went to plaza sing to catch the X-files...

i had phantasmagoria eye make up n dressed up in nana's dress.. so happy at last.

i can walk proud with my head high n not oways so uncertain cos i feel so shitty being normal and blended into de crowd.. duhz ><

now no more lo. being me, i can walk proud. walk tall... walk high!! hahaha^^

Hao and i acted funny in de train.. lol....

juz geeking around!! dunno wat we're doing.

LOL

anyway... X-files de movie is SUCKS!!! Hao and i almost fell asleep in the cinema!!

it was not anticipating at all wan lo!! duhz.... no fun... its about human experiment. something call cell transplant or something, like frenkenstien lydat.. many body parts cut n make into a new human.. not nice de la.. boring.. no gore no blood.. Hao n I fuck de movie up n dwn when after we finish. lolzzz

We went to take neo print .. juz like same old times. ^^

haha^^ but too bad lo.. i no scanner cant upload de neo prints. maybe next wk den i try to up.

but hor, u all dun za dao when i upload our neo-prints o... cos de pics r ... tentatively zadao~~~

kakakaka!!!!

den went to walk around plaza sing.

geek around again... lol ... den thick skin shynna tried to KISS HIM!!! make him ZA DAO!!!

lol... was juz teasing him la... haha^^

den i decide to snap shot de photo n up it here!! lol .... we reli ish boliao.... 2 heart broken souls, comforting each other ... juz like old times. ^^

Nothing reli much after tt lo. went

to eat burger king...

both of us dun eat alot de. shared a whopper meal tgt... cut half ..

den i think tt's abt it le.

den dis nua sai king decide to go home le ...

i oso made my way home... slowly uploaded all dis pics to share here with you all lo.

~=+ SHYNNA WANTS TO BE ADOPTED +=~

Surrealistic Shynna

7/26/2008 03:47:00 am | Saturday, 26 July 2008

~=+ New Life, New Beginning +=~

Waah... had a very busy day n cant believe that i actually juz got home... tired like shit..

i went to a job agency in search for a carrier opportunity. nvr expected that the company itself decided to hire me personally. WOW~ its like ... reli WOW~

i am offered a post as a career consultant. i am like ... WTF... after 8 long years of cooping in de slumps and now i juz barely step my foot into this world, i got it at de 1st shot!! WOOTS ... happy like fuck.

The manager actually told me tt he was rather impress by my communications skills n he needs ppl like me to run the front line for him!! i was like ... WALAO EH... RELI MEH??? ... ok la, i decide to gif it a shot. SHYNNA WONT FALL COS SHYNNA IS STRONG!!

so as i like to say, opportunities are man made. since the company decides to gif me a chance, y not for a change, i gif it my best shot? besides, de company do offer 40% sponsorship for a diploma course in HR.. i am all out for it man!!

JY SHYNNA!! I CAN MAKE IT!!!!

Yeah man... so my change of image n everything did pay off.

still goth la.. will dress up as visual as i can whenever i have a chance. but for now, i am career focus.. no nonsense. ^^

i wana work hard for that diploma. ^^

and for those ppl who dun appreciate me, u all can go and suck balls or best still, go HOME DRINK YA FUCKING MOTHER"S MILK!!!!!

finally decided to stand up cos daddy loves me. i wana make him proud of me.. i dun wana hurt him no more!

For those who hurt me... juz wait n see what qualities i have. i dun wana brag... it is u who dun appreciate me and end of the day... I AM DE WINNER!!

~=+ SHYNNA IS A WINNER +=~

Surrealistic Shynna

7/24/2008 02:43:00 am | Thursday, 24 July 2008

~=+ 4 mths n 10 days +=~

躲避不一定躲得过 (i have never wanted to run away)

面对不一定最难受 (i always learn to face reality)

孤单不一定不快乐 (i feel lonely witout u, but i am still happy)

得到不一定能长久 (yes.. it never lasted for us)

失去不一定不再有 (u knw den u still wana look bk at de past 10yrs??)

转身不一定最软弱 (den y din u forget de past n move on wit me?)

别急著说不无选择
许多事情的答案都不是只有一个 (i've been trying my best but u shut me off wit one ans)

所以我们永远有路可以走 (dis is something i believe too.. )

你能找个理由难过 (i am sad cos u juz left me abruptly. i am happy cos i learn to pick myself up)
也能找个理由快乐

懂得放心的人找到轻松 (i am trying to let go. although its hard)

懂得遗忘的人找到自由 (u have never freed urself from the past!!!! )

懂得关怀的人找到朋友 ( are we still frens? will u ever ask me out again? DUHZ)

这是我的开心之道 ( if u r reli tt happy den y look bk to 10yrs ago n so unfair to me?)

sometimes i reli dun get it.... say till like as if nothing happen lydat....
deep inside, u reli think tt u r happy?

im oways here... u go think over it.. if u reli have a heart.. its juz a moving on issue...

~=+ SHYNNA IS OWAYS HERE +=~
my heart is SO PAIN SO PAIN SO PAIN....

Surrealistic Shynna

7/21/2008 10:34:00 pm | Monday, 21 July 2008

~=+Memories Of 10 Years Ago+=~

Refreshed and anew... WOOTS~~ today is a rainy day.. woke up early to send a few resumes to look for job. feel so great and energetic.

den i went to teach for only 1 lesson cos at de end of dis wk marks de end to my full-time teaching carrier. i am starting my new job redi as a part-time retail assisstant. still hunting for a full time wan. hope can find soon. den noon time i was near to kembangan. so i sms Hao to ask him abt La'dies acoustic on Sunday.

WALAO... after so long din meet up. hmm~ can say de feelings are very sweet and memorable. lols.

After tt i realise i still got dis pic frm i think 7yrs ago...

frm the left is Lao Da, Hao, Ah Bee, Janice... den SHYNNA!!!!! young shynna when she was oni 19.

lol..... very cute.

the memories were so sweet.

Hao and i met when i was only 16 and he was 19. back then we were so sweet.

juz now during the coffee session, we talked about how we 1st met. how we went out and how he held my hand for de 1st time.. hahahahahaha

we laughed over it lo. those sweet old times.

all i can say is he's juz so nice. back during those days where we tok thru out the nite n can even meet up for breakfast after de long hours of phone calls. lol. we remain lydis for like 3yrs or so. frm 16 when i waited for my O lvls till 19.. Hao left me great memories.

i still rmb how he used to get bullied by me. even as when i am penning this, i cant help but smile to myself.. those were de days of sweetness. lol

today's coffee session, he actually told me that he still keeping all those photos tt we took 10yrs ago!! OMG... Hao is oways so sweet to me!! he even told me that he rmb the day we 1st met.. de day how we walked dwn boat quay n held hands ... lalalala~~

*so sentimental*

he told me that all this is still so fresh in his mind. but too bad me n him juz din work out. and after this sweet relation for 3yrs.... i went out wit tachi. he had many mixed feelings at tt moment but he juz dun hv de courage to tell me. duhz.

soon me n tachi got married cos it was shot gun. Hao bravely attended my wedding with so many mixed feelings.

---------------->

dis is a pic where me, janice, Hao, LaoDa n Ah bee took tgt 1yr after i got married wit tachi.

Hao was very sweet. He knw that i love hanabi (fire works in jap) so he took me to watch during the opening of de esplanade 7yrs ago. i was oredi married at tt time so i had to bring janice with me... duhz.....

________________________________________________________

not long after Hao got shirley redi. Then we no longer contact ever since. only knw that he has been jamming at gas haus and doing other gigs. he even had once a cover for Nightwish. everything has changed

everyone got busy with lives n moved on.

den after so loooooooonnnnnnggggggg ...... i divorce with tachi. broke up with charles... den .... i decide to move on and regain back for lost time.

after 7yrs of not contacting..

finally me n Hao had our 1st photo shoot after so long.

both of us have grown up.

we sat at de coffee shop toking abt de past. recalling those sweet old times we had 10yrs ago.

we started to talk abt visual rock, visual kei, lacuna coil and all those bands that we so love to listen. den Hao told me somethings which made me FEEL SOOOOOOOOO FUCKING DE SWEEEEETTTT.......

he told me tt till dis very day, he still misses those times we use to have tgt... OMFG.....

how come after so many things happen in my life... i merely juz wana meet him for a simple coffee n tok abt La'dies n dis sunday's perfomance... he tell me dis... duhzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............. he broke off wit shirley 7mths ago... after a 4 n a 1/2 yrs of ups n dwns...

---------------------------------->

Hao and I took a train tgt. I was on my way to meet wendy for dinner. Hao, as usual going for Jamming.

he is a keyboardist... like me who likes to play de keyboard.

so happy all those times ... and see how time flies ..

10yrs... he told me a whole lot of things today during our 5hours long coffee chat. so sweet .. so memorable. we laughed over wad he had done... me going over to his place... he spending nite after nite with me for 3 long years....

de fact he still rmbs me and thinks of me after dis 10yrs... Hao... u oways so SWWEEETTT....

but no... we not going to be tgt... all those good times will oways reside somewhere in my heart.

thanks HAO... u r forever my best friend... ^^

Surrealistic Shynna

7/20/2008 11:27:00 am | Sunday, 20 July 2008

~=+ Break up Den BreaK Down +=~

ytd (20/07/08) i went to have a closure with charles. at 1st he din wana tok. when i met up wit him, he even wanted to watch a movie. i had to force him to sit down at MOS burger at bugis.

i forced him to tell me the truth. y izit that i tried so hard and yet i'm still not gd enuf. after knwing de whole story. i kept quiet and respected his choice. after which i proceed to meet up wit wendy n angela for coffee and "console" sesssion.

on the way to orchard road to meet them, charles stood there beside me as he was heading home to yishun. i was trembling the who time. i tried to walk n stand far away. i even tried to manuvouer into de crowd hope that i wont travel in the same cabin as he is......

he still come walk beside me... duhz... make me tremble and hold back my hot tears. i started to sms my frens to divert m attention .. so that i wont cry. no an extend i called angela up. i acted very calm n cool... tok some crap to her. till the annnouncement says "orchard". charles n i briefly baded farewell n i ran out of the train.

once im out... i broke DOWN. YESH~ shynna broke down in de middle of orchard road... FUCK... i cant help it or hold back those hot tears any longer.. angela had to rush down by cab to far east plaza to comfort me.

we waited for Wendy to finish work den we sat outside KFC at far east doing nothing for 30mins cos i was having some anxiety attack. trembling, sweating, crying.....

after i recollected myself. angela suggest that i should be de strong shynna... not de weak eunice who loves to cry. den ok lo.. i took a deep breath n told her that after crying i will feel better. den she suggested we go 97... duhz... she wan see shynna's "men fishing" skills.. more DUHZ....

de 3 of us headed to 97, ordered a jug of beer. listen to songs. 3 of us sat there quietly in the boliao environment.. so boliao... like i feel so not right to be at 97... lagi lagi DUHZ DUHZ DUHZ... after 1jug i told angela i wanted to go home i dun feel right.

Den de ku niang angela suggested tt we go to a pub where Jas work. drinks cheaper and can sing. i was like k lo. so went tgt wit wendy.

reach jas's work place, ordered 1 more jug.. den saw wendy's biao ge. i sat there quietly. drink. still feeling not right. so uneasy all over.. kip telling myself tt shynna is strong... den SOME IDIOT go sing de song jay chou de AN JING.

i broke down uncontrollably AGAIN for de 2nd time dis time... de break down lasted longer den USUAL. more more more more more more DUHZ... den is all feeling so fucked up... den ... WALAO ... F.I.R song .. ---- TIAN TIAN YEYE... FUCK... CRY MORE AGAIN... za dao ppl at the pub.

last song b4 go home at the pub .... isd reli fucking duhz n make me CRY WHOLE NITE!!! --- 3 doors down --- HERE WITOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF.... its a CRYING NIGHT man...

end of the day had 3 jugs in total wit wendy n angela. reach home slump on de sofa in de hall n slumber... so long never drink, now drink 3 juggies wit 3 frens oso SLUMBER.. KNS

Den dream of him again.. DUHZ.. wake up 1st thing in de morning.. CRY AGAIN... WALAO... WADS WRONG WIT ME.. kip on crying... fuck. i wana stop dis feelings of sadness lo. y CANT I Y CANT I???????????!!! ARGH~~~

1st time in my life i cried so much over a man. DUHZ DUHZ DUHZ... den now sit here write blog.. OSO CRY!! FUCK..

rest at home today. dun feel like going anywhere. juz cry to my hearts content den say. juz dun break down n go back to see BHM can le. JIBAI LA....

MY Creature Walked Out on Me.

Surrealistic Shynna

7/17/2008 05:09:00 pm | Thursday, 17 July 2008

~=+ F Compo +=~

Hmm~~ after a long hussle i think i am back to normal.

today's blog post is abt my fav comic called F-Compo by Tsukasa Hojo. i read dis comic back in yr 2000 where i used to have a struggle wit my sexual orientation. my buddy, hao, intro me dis comic to make me feel that i am not alone.

This is one of de covers of the comic series.
it all happened one day that Masahiko, a boy lost both his parents and had to be adopted by his relatives. at 1st all was fine when he got there. but soon he was about to discover that dis happy family has a corny secret.

the adoptive family had a welcoming party for Masahiko to make him feel at home. den... the terrible thing happened.

the "father" of the family, sora, got drunk during the party and and Masahiko has to help him change into fresh clothings. as he undresses Sora to the last piece of clothing, Masahiko realised that his so called adoptive "father" has a breasts!! YESH~~ Sora is a WOMAN!!!

He got so worked up n felt like puking... so he made his way to the wash room only to be welcome by another za dao news...

the so called "wife" of Sora, her name is Yukari... was taking a shower when Masahiko stumble into de washroom ... n i think u have guessed it...

Yukari has a COCK!!!!! she is actually a HE -------->

poor masahiko.. now he has to ponder if Shion, her daughter is a woman or man!! Lolss

Sweet Shion also has an orientation problem.. ------->

she has been sex changing herself between a boy n a gal ever since she started in elementary school.

she looks so sweet rite?

well so end of the day Masahiko found out that Sora ( the father ) was actually the one who gave birth to Shion and Yukari ( the mother ) is the ACTUAL FATHER.

Masahiko continued to stay on in this weird family and he slowly moved on to Uni. its a heart warming story where Masahiko learnt that, LOVE KNWS NO BOUNDRIES.

And the fact that Sora n Yukari are playing their roles very well. he also learnt to except that so long they are happy being who they are, there is nothing to hide at all.

complicated as it may sound. It is a hilarious and touching comic series. i'm glad that Hao intro dis story to me 8yrs ago. and i also can understand that some ppl look down on ppl whom has sex change, homosexuals, gays n lesbian.

n many ppl will say that, Hey Shynna, dis is only a comic.. how can collabrate in real life?

my definition is : Hey, if writers can come up wit a story lydis, that means, some where out there, there are ppl whom can accept this kinda thing happen.

and to me, i'm oways liberal to such things. i have frens whom are gays, lesbian. and even in here, i dare to admit that i am a BI..

i love men i love women.

there is no right n wrongs in orientation. and most importantly, love knws no boundries. even if one day i fall in love wit an animal, i will take care of de animal till de day i or it dies.

the moral behind F-Compo thought me to be open to sexual issues and accept things the way they are. so ppl, if u r interested to read the series, i have it. but i only loan it to selected ppl. lol ...

oh ya by de way, dis is some thing i wana add..

<---- this is mana from de band call malice mizer.

is she pretty? lol

actually she is not a she .. MANA IS A HE!!!!

his oriantation is straight. but he likes to cross dress. and there is nothing wrong with corss dressing. i LOVE mana alot in malice mizer.

<--- and dis is a guitarist from the band call phantasmagoria. HE IS ALSO A STRAIGHT MAN.

now u all knw y i like visual kei? cos its a culture that make my dream come true.

Straight man cross dressing!!! yesh~~ for a bisexual person like me, its a total dream come true..... but in singapore.... who would do that? straight man cross dress here ppl will laugh... lol .. but den... there is always shynna's favourite -- behind closed doors...

haha... close door cross dress and make love. WOOTS....

shynna is crazy.

~=+Shynna is SINGLE+=~

yeah... anyone wana adopt her besides Tiffy? LOL~~

Surrealistic Shynna

7/17/2008 01:21:00 am |

~=+ Somethings R juz not Meant to Be +=~

somethings r juz not meant to be...

i'll juz kip an eternal silence. i wont tell what happen. juz let others think over it. maybe its me.. maybe its him....

but.. somethings r juz not meant to be.

no trust.. no hopes...

~=+ Shynna is a in Eternal Silence +=~

Surrealistic Shynna

7/16/2008 01:12:00 am | Wednesday, 16 July 2008

~=+ Back to Basics +=~

Back to Basic....

Going back to days of rotting and wasting..

Once a Goth Forever a Goth...

i dun wana knw..

ppl tell me what they found out.

end up, IM RELI A DUMBO

flirtable... speeddate... GOT facebook b4 u got to knw me .... i was A GOTH b4 U GOT TO KNW ME too..

there are juz certain things if u kenot gif up.. den dun expect me to gif it up too...

WTF....

maybe i shud go back to passion.com too...

fling till de day i step into my grave...

takers ANYONE??

SHYNNA IS UP FOR ADOPTION

all broken up....

Surrealistic Shynna

7/14/2008 03:46:00 pm | Monday, 14 July 2008

~=+ No Longer The Same +=~

Is this a so called open book relationship? wad happen to my photos? the watch we buy tgt... the thing i buy for him?

zzz... i dun believe it. The 1st level to the meaning of the phrase: " i am XIAN with you!! "

Today is 14/07/08 Monday.

The 1st day of me being normal. No more wicca.. threw it away into the sea where mother sea will wash them back to where they belong.

The 1st day of no more goth behaviour. Going to be as normal and sweet as can be.

The 1st day that i become BARBIE DOLL... or .... babi doll... LOL

all i wana say is....

i am like a lost child in dis new world where everything is new to me. dun make me go back to de dark relms again please.

things are no longer the same. things have new begining now.. but y do i kip have the feeling that this is de begining to the end?

i threw my keys at tachi ytd. i am no more going back there. yet... someone still can ask me izit a seperation or divorce? diao~!! of cos its a divorce u asshole!! y would i ask for a seperation when i CLEARLY state that i got DIVORCE COS OF U?

Life will never be the same from today onwards. however hard it maybe or however worst it may get, will he be there to lead me all the way to the other end of the tunnel where i will see the light? or is he lighting my way like a hanabi (fireworks in jap)?

I will try to keep as busy as possible. I am moving in to stay with my friend by the end of dis wk. Its in Yishun. So near to him...

somehow i have the feeling that we are so near yet so far apart. many a times i feel like telling him how i feel abt the whole thing, but i am so scared that he will say that i am thinking too much again. and im so scared that he will say that i am childish and over reacting.

he wana make a name is dis world. so let him. i will quietly sit n see what he has in stall. and also get ready for the worst outcome... keep busy. keep myself as busy as possible... mix around. go aorund. meet new ppl... see dis world. learn to accept that things usually are not as bad as what i think that it would be.

but.. sad to say, the sense of sercurity he once gave me is long gone after the phrase: " i am xianz with u "

long gone after i see that de watch n de HP strap went missing..

de present... dun think i got the motivation to carry on making.

De knitting... i dun tink i wana learn either.

for now, teach tuition and like what he heartlessly like to say: change for the sake of a better tmr, not cos of HIM

oh ya.. thanks carlos for the unpluck "Nothing Else Matters" ya guitar skills and singing was great. *awe* .... melts my heart. ^^

Surrealistic Shynna

7/12/2008 11:48:00 pm | Saturday, 12 July 2008

~=+ Rebirth +=~

Another 15mins to de completion of my self-destruction.

on 13th july 2008 will be my rebirth date..

i juz hope that after my rebirth i will no longer be alone

no longer be hated.

always be accepted.

Ppl oways say they understand ya pain. but oftenly, they just dun FEEL it.

tif and i got a back up plan for de both of us.

sounds cruel after the rebirth.. corny infact..

but if things dun turn out the way we expected...

me n tif will be an official stay-in couple whom will take care of each other till de day we step into our graves...

dun make me lost hope..

dun make me crumble into pieces..

dis is my last hope of life...

13/07/2008 (sunday) my rebirth of being NORMAL.....

Surrealistic Shynna

7/09/2008 10:34:00 pm | Wednesday, 9 July 2008

~=+ The Thing About People +=~

Well well... I've been meeting up with my bro quite alot recently. talk about many things. basically... its all about relationship, work and some personal problems and stuff..

And ... the thing about people is that they are oftenly not contented with what they have. at the same time too judgemental over many many many many countless things... even issues as small as a sesame can also turn out to be BIG BIG BIG FUCKING ISSUES.

the snag with my bro is that he dun seem to have enuff of gals... YESH!!! GALSSSSss..... he changes gf juz like i mean... worst den changing clothes... zzz... n now that he is worried that he might get voodoo by her cos she is a bitch who knw some indonesian dark arts... lol. not that i dun believe but i juz feel that he is too guilty over toying with gals' feelings too much...

the next hitch is from tiffy... adui... dis gal.. i so long din hear from her and the next thing i learn about her is that she is having some perplexity with her MOTHER_IN_LAW.... lolsss..... stereo typical bugbear... hahahaha^^

below is de conversation i had wit her over phone:

Tif: fuck shit... mum in law dun like me

Me: tot u n stevo's mum are ok?

Tif: tt time ok. now not. cos she thinks that i dun talk alot to her. so NO COMMUNICATION = NO GD GAL = ARROGANT GAL FROM RICH FAMILY!!!!!!!!!

Me: LOLsss no comments dear.. u r rich enuff to buy a hse n run away wit stevo...

Tif: sad case. ppl are too judgemental. juz cos i chose to marry him within a wk of dating does not mean that i am a bad gal ok !! juz becos i am cos-player i am weird? i can throw away my costumes i dun care.

Me: stevo oso cyber wat... tot his mum shud be used to it?! Oo

Tif: the thing is, stevo's younger bro was once a cyber. but threw it away n run away wit a stereo BITCH.. n she expects stevo to do de same. throw cyber n marry BARBIE DOLL....

Me: erm.. i tot u r normal now. juz like me. normal cos of love.

Tif: look, dress up once in awhile wont kill... besides, we oredi signed the papers in US.. there is no way she is going to change de fact.

Me: how did stevo react to dis whole imbroglio?

Tif: that hell of a mother FUCKER!!! he ask me to POR (boot lick) his mother!!! he say i shud lun (put up with) his mother and try to talk more n dress in colours instead of OWAYS BLACK!!!!!!!!!! I AM HIS DARN WIFE.... I TOT HE SHUD SIDE WIT ME?????

Me: LOLsss .. i dun wana comment cos i am facing the same hydra at the moment.

Tif: u knw wat? i tink stevo shud marry his mother instead of ME!!

Me: *laugh helplessly* reli la dear, i dun wana comment anything at de moment. the dilema i am having now is similar. and de fact that i am adding colours into my wardrobe redi.

Tif: nvm nvm .... catch up wit u soon... going to catch beauty nap.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

at the end of dis horrendous conversation, many things started to flash into my mind..

geezz.... the proposition behind every human being is that they often have misconceptions over what they see, how they feel and what they hear.

i myself am in a labyrinth. and so frequently i keep telling myself to work hard and perserver. ppl judge me cos they dunno me. ppl hate me with no available reason... so i dun wana comment much on tif's case.

someone once told me that the changes i made is for the better of my future and not his. and my transformation is for the good of myself n nobody else. heartlessly.. he never realise that if not of encouragement and hope that he gave... i dun think i would have change in any way or other.

but looking at this judgemental world... isn't most of us cutting ourselves out to fit other ppls' holes and not ours? trying to please others is juz not my cup of tea but nevertheless i am willing to try. if other ppl are happy, so am i.

Enough of shit crap. i dun wana think about my own relationship... i juz let things be the way they are. if things are not meant to be then they are juz not meant to be. going to continue make my dear's present... Oo *yawnz* wonder when den can finish... T.T

~=+SHYNNA LOVES HER DEAR DEAR+=~

Surrealistic Shynna

7/03/2008 12:57:00 am | Thursday, 3 July 2008

~=+Switched of Mode+=~

10 days to SELF-DESTRUCTION...

enuff of this shit crap fucking feeling i bury...

if u hadn't come along, i WONT BREAK DE CHAINs.....

I DIVORCED COS I WANA BE WITH YOU....

never was and never will be.
you dunno how u've betrayed me.
somehow you've got everybody fooled...

i knw the truth now.
i knw who you are.
But is still love you <------- (same as the lyrics) T.T

Surrealistic Shynna

7/01/2008 02:01:00 am | Tuesday, 1 July 2008

~=+A Reply+=~

This is a reply i decided to post to the blog post below.

http://redkirin.blogspot.com/2008/03/story-of-lil-doll-and-benben.html

i decided to update the blog post... or should i say, reply to the blog post.
---
-----
-------

As the story goes, ben ben wanted to make a name for himself in this land and whether a lil doll has a heart to break her chains?

Well, a lil doll decided to break her chains and go see the world under the encouragement of ben ben. And also the with the promise of ben ben's love, a lil doll bravely cut of the chains on her legs. she dun wana carry on an r/s that they wana be together but cant. and she feels that he reli loves ben ben alot and wana spend the rest of her life wit him.

the process of breaking the chains n locks was slow as there were many procedures to go thru. each combination and key has to be turn the correct way. then came to a final situation where a lil doll feels tt she dun wana go thru all these steps, she heartlessly HACK OF THE CHAINS WITH A CHAINSAW!!!! packed her things and left her jail.

As ben ben reach out to her to help her up, a lil doll took her 1st step to see a new world that she has nvr seen b4. each step that she took was very new to her as she has been chained for 8yrs and everything that surrounds her are all new n some what strange.

Like a new born child, she tries to accept dis hypocryptical world. taking each new breath n each new step, adapting.... changing... renewing... and she's oways happy each time she makes progress and each time when she thinks of ben ben.

Ben ben showered a lil doll with love n concern. Sweetly standing by her and guide a lil doll to except and learn new things. Gradually, a lil doll picks up new stuff and try to adapt ben ben's way of life. Although sometimes, a lil doll stumbles as she learn to walk, she picks herself up for she feels that she reli loves ben ben alot.

a lil doll threw away her old ragedy clothes and buy new ones. step by step she came to learnt about speech, music and fashion. little by little a lil doll felt that ben ben is her everything and for the sake of love, she change bit by bit of herself to accomodate to ben ben's philosophy.

as de days pass, ben ben tries hard to make his name in dis land. and soon he got very busy and spent lesser time wit a lil doll.

a lil doll misses him very much each day. but being understanding over ben ben's job, she remained quiet and let ben ben fight his way up the ladder.

then came a day where a lil doll cant take it n misses ben ben to the max ... thru de pigeon messenger a lil doll decides to have a lil tok wit ben ben.

it was when ben ben told her that he was not evading her and de fact that he is juz very bz wit work n such.

a lil doll was not reli convience so she pressed a lil further and ask if ben ben would like to tok things out nicely. there ben ben told her that he is xianz wit her over certain issues... they discussed and some how, a lil doll might have hurt ben ben's feelings and ben ben might have hurt hers too.

den came to a point where ben ben ask her if she had chop of the chains cos of him .... the ans is YES. if not cos of his encouragement, if not cos a lil doll love him so dearly, a lil doll wud still remain in her shackles and be chained for the rest of her life.

den ben ben asked if he were to leave her, will a lil doll fall n stumble...
the answer is YES. a lil doll would drown in the open sea.

ben ben oso said that a lil doll should communicate more wit ppl, crowds and also his mum n family members.. a lil doll has her reasons y she did not wana tok to his mum.. a lil doll is trying to face crowds.

so is ben ben going to give a lil doll a chance?

a lil doll has juz learnt to walk. learnt to talk. there are many things she is still green.... n ben ben had juz given her a feeling that he MIGHT leave her. a lil doll is broken hearted at that MOMENT...

a lil doll turned back to look at her broken shackles and chains. she den ask herself, if ben ben had not come along, she might hv juz live her life as it is. knwing that each time when she needs a breather, she unlock her chains to go out but end of the day, she will lock it back when she feels like it. cos she feels that it was the only place where she wont get hurt by others but only suffer in silence.

but now that the locks have been BROKEN, there is no way she can put de shackles back, and being so new to face this world alone... she wonders if she can reli do it alone... or built a new wall to surround herself so that no one can enter and reach out to her.

So how is dis r/s going to?
where is de destination?

a lil doll is all cut up and de cotton that is filled within her is spilled every where...

why is my love always like the hanabi? (fireworks in jap)

HANABI 2 - AYUMI HAMASAKI - MyVideo

HANABI ~episode II~
The summer has come again and again since thenBut why am I looking back upon the past againTracing the footprints?

I remember everything even nowYour voice calling my name, your casual habitsI want to forget, and I don't want to forget

Did I choose the right way?But I keenly understand there is no answer Whomever I may ask it to

Please tell me some day that you are happy And smile

I gently lock the memories away Leaving them to be beautiful

This feeling, this feeling, go up into the skyAnd be dispersed beautifully like a firework

lets see how is he going to help me end this story of a lil doll and ben ben.

T.T

Surrealistic Shynna