Its yet another boring and meaningless week. Nothing reli out of the norm.. work, rot at home. went out drink, got drunk and had a few ppl pissed off with me. sometimes things juz dun go the way that i had planned. and there are reli too much coincedences that had been happening.

ok.... as i oways like to tell myself here... at the end of every tunnel, there is light. so follow de light and make sure it is de entrance of de tunnel... juz dun make anymore wrong turns and at de same time mind each and every step so as not to stumble and fall.....

hope that my decision is rite dis time.... instincts dun fail me.. and miracles pls happen once more...

awaiting for my next hanabi.... The Fire Work of LIFE .....

Surrealistic Shynna





Woo man... i juz had de most busy weekend in 2008. its been a long time since i had so much privacy on my own. i woke up early in saturday morn (22/03/08) went to teach de most irritating tuition kids of all in my list. den after tt went to mit him n went to my ah ma hse to make muffins for my fren's bday. it was reli fun.




Surrealistic Shynna





Cant help but sometimes reli feel xianz with what is all currently going on in life. The water situation is still the same and it makes dousing laundry and taking a shower so hard a chore... i'm like returning to those olden times where i have to do the laundry manually and having to boil water for my baths. zzzz.... so traditional rite? lol.... i dun seem to have a choice when i'm now living in the slumps.

Hang in there, i oways tell myself that at the end of every dark tunnel there will b light. and when there is light, there will bound to be a way out. so, i guess there seem to b a glimpse of light now somewhere, i juz need to perservere and walk straight.... juz hope that i wont stumble again along the way and most importantly, not to choose the wrong path in this dark tunnel again.

zzz..... feel tired but cant slp... i start to imagine things again. dunno y all dis fearful images kip coming to me whenever i close my eyes. i cant reli described these images but i hhavr drawn them in my little black book.... it makes me feel better whenever i draw. i vent them all out during my little drawing sessions. ppl dun seem to understand my fear, not even my physchaitrist... maybe tt was de main reason i walked out on her 2yrs ago.

physically and mentally i feel so drained. i tot of having a lil break. as in work a lil less this year and slack a lil. but i figure, relying on others for money is not easy either. haizzzz..... have to see their moods in order to get cash, i think beggars or even prostitudes get a better pay den i do.

shynna is going crazy. i get cranky for no reason, cant sleep at nite, no appetite to eat. therefore now as a living zombie, i eat on a 3days a meal basis... eat to live, in order not to pass out. work as usual in order to make my days worth while. slp only when i reli cant take it anymore. probably the insercurities in this slump kips me awake all the time. ~~ argh ~~ shynna kenot take it anymore... need to go back n get myself some velium... lol... prozac sucks... cos they make me fat. velium is better at least it makes me not feel like eating and makes me wana slp all de time but that is fine. sleep is better den fat...... ^^

haiz... think im going back to watch anime online. after 3 more episodes and i shall hit the quaters. its a muffin making day later on. recipe n ingredients are redy, for now, im going to build de mood to go make it. ~yeah~

=^_^=


Surrealistic Shynna





I could not reli slp last nite so i went to animecrunch.com to watch anime. The title of de anime is Blood+... Its abt a gal who was programme to kill monsters and de key to distory them is in her blood. And the sad thing is something happened to her and her programme went hay wire. she was put to slp and one day found herself awaken and adopted by a man. she could not rmb her past at all so she lived her life as a normal 15yr old gal in high school. she was asociated wit her 2 adopted brothers, riku n kai, and her adopted father showered her wit lots of love and care.

last nite i was watching a touching episode where she was forced to kill her father as her father was infected wit monster blood n going to transform into a monster himself. so after killing her adopted father wit her own blood, she had a flash back of how loving her father wad to her. the scene was very touching as she recalled he father taking her whole family to de beach to watch de sunset. her father ask de family wat do they think of de sunset? riku, de younger brother replied tt it was sad to see de sun go dwn de horizon. den de father explained that yes, it is sad. but think of it dis way, its not tt the sun is not going to rise again de next day. it will owasy rise again and u can greet de new day sun wit a smile. no matter how unhappy u r, u knw tt de sun is oways smiling at u and they will remain like de sun. as in de family will remain like de sun. though there are unhappy moments, there will oways be happy times where they can smile n laff abt.

den the next scene, her flash back was before her father's death. her father held her hands and told her that, she has to do wadever she thinks tt its a rite choice. no matter how ppl look at her, so long she feels tt her choice is rite, den she muz do it, so its ok to kill him wit her blood. and his last words to her is "Live Through Today For The Sake Of Tomorrow" and u will greet each day with a smile.

well well.... now that i am living in a slum... these words are so beautiful to me. yeah.... i will survive all this ordeal and handle each and every situation carefully and choose de choice in which i think tt its rite and not care how others will look at me. cos end of the day i am de one who will b happy n not them. hopefully, my choice is rite dis time. live thru today for de sake of tmr, cos i knw tt he will prefer to see me smile den to b sad. ^^

cheers~


Surrealistic Shynna





Time seems to have fly away so fast. Hmm~~ all i can say is life is good. without a lot of physco buggers n irritating ppl in my life, life is good. lol~~~

alright, hmm. the novel in which im working on is still half done. though there are many barriers that hinders but i will put in my best effort in making my wishes come true. =^_^= yeah man, i will survive.

ah, ya, another thing is that ive read up a copy on my horroscope on next year's predictions. 2008 will not b a bad year for me. and the interesting thing is that i will be meeting in more physco buggers this year than the rest of my life. and this phase will last till the end of 2008... my god.... i wonder how many more weirdos will i still get to meet????/ in 2007, ther was opa, peter, not to mention oso nich***la*** and also some tooty braces guy. not forgetting the bouncer physco bugger... hahahaha..... one DJ named mark.... irritating sh*t.... and also some army regular whom met me n hui once n decide to remove me frm msn once n for good.... damn.... ppl r superficial... hahahahahaha.... but who cares? i knw my limits, i knw my charm. lol.... >.<

ah lalalala.... not to mention also the 19yr old physco small boy who wanted to take me to see stars... hahaha... diamonds will be much better to view. anyway, the list never ends, i only remember the majors. oh ya hor, oso the stoptid guy who snapped at me, askingme to finish my food, saying that ppl in africa no food to eat.... who cares? anyway he's out of my life....

wtf.. who cares man who cares??? this year i hope that it will be a much better year den dis n hope that i dun meet into ppl who snap at me to finish my food ever again. i wana eat, i will eat.... if i grow fat, he is so going to die... hahahaha

new year, new life.... it will definately be better. n not to mention de new creature..... argh~~~~~~ last nite was a drunk nite... a nite full of nonsense.... i am so going to die.

dead drunk to an extend of no comprehension. lol~~ not to mentioned tt we actually hugged n kiss... im so so so so so so so fucking going to DIE DIE DIE.... cranky n tired after a nite of drinking frenzy wit xinxin n gaogao... OMG... mappie if u r reading dis, i went out wit xin last nite... xin=missmiss our new cleric... aiyo... they both were so tall and made me so petite n small. hehe^^

im so tired im going to take a nap now...


Surrealistic Shynna





Fearful that i would be consumed by my lonliness, he brought me this magnificent creature into my life. I thought he was the answer to all my prayers but it was only the begining of all my misery. -- A living NIGHTMARE -





Surrealistic Shynna








Surrealistic Shynna





I decided to pen dis entry basically i got nothing to do and cant sleep. LOL... reli boliao rite? There is something tt strike my mind. I am very sure many of u out there are aware of the edison chen sex scandal and have even viewed the pix of all his sexy ladies online. ok, i admit that i am one of them whom had seen those picx as well. nothing to hide, its all over the newspapers n on the net.

Then something struck me as surprising. Cos i realise that even the most beautiful ladies, considering the fact that they are celebrites, they have very hairy pussies. LOL.... okok.. at dis point many of u may think tt i am disgusting as to y i take note of the HAIRY parts.... the thing is, to me, having a clean shave is a form of personal hygiene. YESH~~ pure personaly hygeine. although those ladies in de scandals noticibly have very nicely waxed bikini hair lines, but the thing is.... i feel that it not enuf.

1stly, i would like to state that, women have discharge at their virginals, during mesuration and of cos when we sweat during our daily chores of work and household loads. so, many of us women resort to wearing panty liners for hygeine purposes. i agree that dis method also keeps de underwear clean n smell free. there are also a variety of virginal wash products which ladies can buy off the shelf at pharmacies to kip clean n smell free. for me, i prefer using traditional virginal wash, its an indonesian product and it smells of BERRIES. hee^^ i got them frm malaysia and will stock up each time i go jb for shopping. ok back to de issue of the hairyness.

erm... as i mention discharge, if, de virginal hair is too long, de fluids of de discharge will stick to de hair. Noting that women do wear panty liners, but somehow, de fluids will still get stuck to de pubic hair. YESH man~~ den at the end of the day when we arrive home after a day at work, OMFG.... the stink when u undress for a shower will i think, even wake up the DEAD!!!!!! and sometimes, when mensuration flows, de blood clogs up de hair. there will be a "tangle" at the hair near de virginal entrance and its hard to wash away most times!! how can women stand it? EEKkkssss ~~~ stink, clog up hair... OMFG... and the fact that celebs spend most of their time outdoors, filming, recording.... drinking & partying... de disgustingness sets in when i now recall zhang bo zhi's hairy genitals.... OH GOD.... there are even picx of edison performing cunnilingus on one of de ladies... eeekkkssss ...... goodness .... *pukes*

and also for de men, dun think that you all no discharge means u all dun stink. its never enjoyable to perform fellatio when ya lil bro reeks of stink. yesh~ and de hair at de genitals play a part. SWEAT.... it cos it to stink u idiots... and imagine if u were to go too near and but it all de way throat deep, de hair will got to de NOSE..... eekkksss.... so, its oways good to hv a clean shave. ^^

a good suggestion is, have a good trim if u r lazy to shave.. (ladies n men same method)

there are also a handful of products that u can get off the shelf at pharmacies to help in de shaving. use shaving clean and a sharp razor... and wala ... nice, clean, and never the less, sexy and appealing. ^^

for the more open minded can oways go to a beauty palor. Hollywood secrets provides good waxing for de genitals. cheap and easy, abt $50-$80 per session. and also, for ladies, u can choose de pattern to b waxed. as in its like choosing a hair style u wan. it can b a playmate wax which means is cleanly waxed, or u can do de zhang bo zhia wan of only waxing de bikini hair line. but i think its not very nice cos de opening of de virginal is still hairy n GROSS....... for me, its oways de playmate... all GONE.. botak. ^^ i've heard stories of ladies who wana surporsed their love ones by having a heart shape wax. means, they leave a patch there wit a heart shape to show their love... hmmmmm ... got use meh?? i think its a turn off. imagine ya guy kissed u n undress u to find a heart shape patch of virginal hair at ya genital... lol.. he will laff till his dick shink... LOL....

waxed genital hair takes abt 2-3wks before it grows back. so its rather managable. for shaved, it takes like 3-5days to maintain it and keep it trim, short n nice. but den, its better to b cleanly shave if not, its gona b prickly... lol....

there is also a last option out. There was a period of time which i was rather lazy. i decided to use hair removing cream instead of shaving. i bought the one for sensitive skin. though de product lable did mention that its not suitable for genitals. i tried it anyway. nobody ask u to apply it at de clits where it will hurt definately. u apply it to the flesh where de hair is. Take note that u only leave it there NOT MORE THAN 10mins. gently scrap away de cream n wala>>>> the hair comes of easily n pain free. (the srapper comes inside the box) BUT there is a consequence of more than 10min. i was smsing in de toilet n kinda forgot the time.... T_T..... i kena chemical burns.... shyt.... but lucky only at de flesh part and recover in like 1week.

OK ladies n dudes, i need to head for the showers n maybe doze awhile... got a busy day to catch later..... i duwana think of how hairy zhang bo zhi is anymore... she's reli an inspiration for dis entry. stay sexy.... nitey~~


Surrealistic Shynna





When ppl talk abt killing themselves, usually their frens or loved ones will tell them not to die. BUt for me, if i wana die, i juz hope that he wont tell me not to, rather, he would tell me that he wana die with me. Death to me is juz a form of art. Some ppl treat it as a form of escape, i treat it as a form tof expressing myself. Becos this world to me is DEAD.... LONg Ago DEAD.

1St way to die:
Throw yaself out of de window. HMmm... dis is far a too common method of doing so. for me, i wont try. 1stly i am too vain. i am afriad that my head will be smashed like a watermelon n my face NO MORE... T_T... so, ya, dis express method is out.

2nd way to die:
Carbon monoxide poisoning.Most ppl have the misconception that dis is a painless way to die, AND IT IS DEFINATELY NOT. how come i knw? cos i am a survivor of dis method of suicide. u will feel swoon and nauseous. your vision blured out and as ya brain lags oxygen, ya FUCKING HEAD HURTS LIKE HELL. so Dis method i tried but did not work cos neighbours smelled gas n called police.

3rd way to die:
DROWN in de sea. In which i feel is a lil redundant method. 1st you must jump out into de open sea. but, de thing is, ya brain will tell u to paddle. dun ask me how i knw, i think i seen it somewhere on discovery channel. de human brain is an automatic machine which will ask u to paddle. den u will eventually surface and breathe. unless u paddle till ya muscels go numb, ok, den u sink, den again de brain reacts and u will somehow take a gulp of "air" which is consist of water. it is den you will die cos ya lungs will b filled with water. den, im afraid that my body will get bloated in de water and turn mouldy n ugly.... so EEEEEEEEKkksssss..... i duwan.

4th way to die:
Hanging. u can try tying a rope to de ceiling fan. but i can tell u the ceiling fan in Singapore kenot support ya weight. its all in de moives. de wires will detach from de ceiling and u will fall. LOL.... but u can try hanging yaself at a pubilc park. choose yaself a firm tree branch that can hold ya weight. *snap* goes ya neck bone and tt's ot baby. DEAD. But i still hv yet a chance to try dis cos, there r no parks in my mine in which i can do dis.

5th way to die:
Drug Over dose. Hmmmm.... i literally tried this method before. hoping that i will never wake up again. BUT I STILL NEVER DIE. i finished a whole month supply of anti depressants, 20 sleeping pills, 10 flu tabs all doused down wit loads n loads of beer. and i manage to wake up de next day in the morning to be greeted wit puke all over de hall and bed room floor, suffered a hangover for de whole day n tt's it. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DIN DIE.

6th way to die:
Cutting Wrist. When u do dis, make sure u cut it deep and straight. after tt, dun juz lie there. cos ya blood will juz clod up. BLOOD WILL DRY N CLOD UP. so in order to kip de blood from flowing and die of lose of blood, prepare a basin of water when u r doing dis. SO, after u slit ya wrist, dip ya bleeding wrist into de basin. the water kips de wound moist and de blood will kip flow. I still haven try to dip my wound in de basin b4. i knw dis method was becos somehow i think i saw it in a movie or MTV b4. i knw de blood will clod is cos.... LOOK AT MY FUCKING WRIST N COUNT DE FUCKING SCARES....

think i will stop here. i feel distracted by many things. hav been feeling giddy. i will write a part 2 for dis. FAREWELL~~


Surrealistic Shynna





Whenever we talk about the 5 Cs... ppl usually will think of car, condo, cash.... blah blah blah. but my 5Cs are not refering to all dis. Many of us do not need to rely on all these to b happy. although i do agree at some point, there are certain issues where we need alot of money.

THE 1st C = CARE
IF u love some1 or like some1, show him/her that you care. every single tear that he/she may shed, be there to lend a shoulder. Or even offer a piece of tissue if not enuf, den the whole box... lol

THE 2nd C= CONCERN
A simple sms a day asking if he/she has eaten. a greating the 1st thing in the morning. a simple "how are you?" makes a difference in a relationship, even in a frenship.

THE 3rd C= COMPLIMENT
its oways sweet to tell him/her how great he/she looks. cos beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. and its oways nice to encourage each other tt they have done well. making sure that he/she is the most important person in ya heart.

THE 4th C= COMPROMISE
we dun oways see eye to eye. its oways great to come to a mutual understanding and not lie. we can oways come to terms and not hurt each others feelings.

THE 5th C= CHERISH
its not abt how long or short we are together, its abt the happy moments that we share. i may not own u and u may not own me but u have left footsteps of wonderful memories in my heart which will reside in me forever till the day i die.

THE CREATURE IS A BEN DAN TILL NOW OSO DUNNO WHO IM REFERING TO....... ARGH!~~~~~ my mind baoza when toking to him..... zzzzzzz


Surrealistic Shynna





Wow... its been a long time since i went out socializing wit man kind. since i started mapling 2yrs ago my social life has been cut down alot. work, go home chiong lvl... off days stay home to lvl... got time is go club n drink. ytd, i finally go out wit a fren whom i met at a pub.

actually i felt very bad.... im suppose to meet him at 1pm.... but tiredness got the better of me... i fell asleep at 11am .. OMG.... i finally manage to go meet him at 5pm at bugis.... was so afraid that he might kill me but he never... lol ... which is a good thing.
firstly we went to yoshinoya for an early dinner... den went to check out on "Gloom Cookies" series 4.... carnival wars.... den WTF..... dun have... they only had series 5 , "The Final Curtain" ..... sad like anything .. have been waiting for it for like a yr now. wana knw how the curse love of lex n damion ended... and poor Isebella... i wana KNW... its so anticipating. no choice, have to wait.

Then we went to catch "Meet The Spartans". Lame show.... lol ... from the beginning laff till the end. after movies we went to Mr Bean's cafe for coffee and chat. Had my favourite HOT MOCHA ... HMMM~~

Hmmm... nothing reli much juz talked abt general stuff and his pass relationships. and realizes that OH GOD.... he change GF like as if changing CLOTHES..... OMG..... hahahahah ..... i mean, he's not a bad person and he definately dun sound like a flirty person to me. juz that he give me a feeling that he likes to rush into a relationship and upon finding out that they are not suited he will break off with her. hais..... no gf can die meh? OMG....

Nevertheless, the trip was good. made me knw that the outside world has changed so much and i should go out more often and not game so much. but then, wat will happen to mappie and kit and the moments when i'm gone???? hmmmm ..... i have to make time for everything. now its time i start planning.

And oh ya, Darling tachi found a new job and he b starting 1st day tmr. dis new job requires him to travel alot and now im worried tht i kenot slp again.... ARGH~~ how?? nvm, have to learn to b independant. kenot oways rely on him to tell me to slp den i go. the pass 1 wk we had a bad fight over Racine. and he 1 whole wk nver tell me go slp... nvr call me, nvr contact me....... i went paranoid and stayed awake for 6days... this time his job requires him to travel and b out station for like each time a few mths... so ah... i think i wont slp for few mths.... LOL ..... no la, i think i muz learn to slp without him telling me to go.

Erm... i think its all abt it now. hv to go hv a rest. hmm~~ thank tt person whom brought me out to see de world. thanks... ~~ i reli muz socialize more redy if not i will become a babarian.... living in my cave....

nitey~~


Surrealistic Shynna