Is this a so called open book relationship? wad happen to my photos? the watch we buy tgt... the thing i buy for him?

zzz... i dun believe it. The 1st level to the meaning of the phrase: " i am XIAN with you!! "

Today is 14/07/08 Monday.

The 1st day of me being normal. No more wicca.. threw it away into the sea where mother sea will wash them back to where they belong.

The 1st day of no more goth behaviour. Going to be as normal and sweet as can be.

The 1st day that i become BARBIE DOLL... or .... babi doll... LOL

all i wana say is....

i am like a lost child in dis new world where everything is new to me. dun make me go back to de dark relms again please.

things are no longer the same. things have new begining now.. but y do i kip have the feeling that this is de begining to the end?

i threw my keys at tachi ytd. i am no more going back there. yet... someone still can ask me izit a seperation or divorce? diao~!! of cos its a divorce u asshole!! y would i ask for a seperation when i CLEARLY state that i got DIVORCE COS OF U?

Life will never be the same from today onwards. however hard it maybe or however worst it may get, will he be there to lead me all the way to the other end of the tunnel where i will see the light? or is he lighting my way like a hanabi (fireworks in jap)?

I will try to keep as busy as possible. I am moving in to stay with my friend by the end of dis wk. Its in Yishun. So near to him...

somehow i have the feeling that we are so near yet so far apart. many a times i feel like telling him how i feel abt the whole thing, but i am so scared that he will say that i am thinking too much again. and im so scared that he will say that i am childish and over reacting.

he wana make a name is dis world. so let him. i will quietly sit n see what he has in stall. and also get ready for the worst outcome... keep busy. keep myself as busy as possible... mix around. go aorund. meet new ppl... see dis world. learn to accept that things usually are not as bad as what i think that it would be.

but.. sad to say, the sense of sercurity he once gave me is long gone after the phrase: " i am xianz with u "

long gone after i see that de watch n de HP strap went missing..

de present... dun think i got the motivation to carry on making.

De knitting... i dun tink i wana learn either.

for now, teach tuition and like what he heartlessly like to say: change for the sake of a better tmr, not cos of HIM

oh ya.. thanks carlos for the unpluck "Nothing Else Matters" ya guitar skills and singing was great. *awe* .... melts my heart. ^^


Surrealistic Shynna