Im sitting in my office having the monday blues.. clocked in at 9.20am cos this morning i cant find the darn house keys ... nvm ... argh ... still pondering and wondering how come now a days i keep having mood swings..

I tot by meeting him will make me feel better ... but whenever he has a suggestion of doing things i dun feel like doing or going places i dun feel like going .. i get steamed .. but recently, after learning his stress and problems that he is facing at work, i try to give in to wherever he wana go n doing whatever he suggests ... in my mind, all i have to do is endure the few hours and soon it be over, i can go home and sleep ....

Usually, im looking forward to sundays, so that i can see him. Most times we spent eating supper, going to the beach, finding places to juz cuddle up, make out ...

Recently .. the feelings seemed to be different. Last nite i met him. I've juz sprained my ankle on Saturday, its not reli serious, the swelling had gone down. But the pain is still there. When i met him at the carpark, he was on the line with someone. I knw is work related so i din wana disturbed him. After the phone call, we headed to help my mum post letters den headed to changi for supper. I watched him eat as usual as i dun take supper ...

There was not much of a conversation. He was worried about the closing date of his sales in which i am redundant at a point i am of not much help. Can only listen to his probs n snags at that point. And he initiated that he wanted to make phone calls to some ppl so that he can prospect them in getting his sales target for the month. I was a lil turn off... we finally get to meet and i tot we were suppose to spent quality time together, yet he said he wanted to make phone calls to try close the sales ... i knw work is important... nevertheless, i can only bare with it and juz let him do wat he deem fit.

After supper, we went to take a walk along the Changi beach. My ankle was hurting due to the sprain, both my calves ached as i was giving out flyers door to door on both Friday and Saturday. I cant reli voice out my agony, i juz followed each and every foot step he took to look for a quiet spot to sit down. Apparently, its the school holidays season, so, each and every nook was filled with groupies and was very rowdy..

I got so fed up with walking along the beach, cant tolerate the noise and also my aching calves and ankle, i suggested to leave. I kept quiet thru out the whole trip in the car.. baring the pain in my legs...

he den suggested that we find a quiet spot to make out .. in which we did... after which he sent me home. Never did he asked abt my abrasion on my left shoulder.. the aches in my calves for running block to block and door to door giving out flyers ... having fallen down the stairs and injuring my ankle .. if i were to confront him, he will tell me that "he did not ask does not mean he not concern. he did not show does not mean he not heart pain. he does not respond does not mean he dun appreciate."

so .. i learn to keep quiet and let him do whatever he feels is right. Knowing his woes of wanting to hit his sales target so badly, i dun wana add on to the stress to him by nagging at him. Juz quietly sit by him, stand by him, hoping that everything went smooth for him.

and i'm not sure if he is getting cranky .. he recently began asking me about the depth of the sea bed, my knowledge of 2012, asking me about random stuff in which i had given him the answers long long ago .. or have we reli ran out of topics to tok about?

to me, sunday used to be a day where we juz snug into each others' arms and tok nonsense, juz laughed and joke abt almost anything .. but recently i have been attacked by random and tactical qns which require my brain power.. in which most of it has been used up cos i've been helping him doing write ups and testimonials of his biz and coming up wit strategies to gain awareness .. my brain is almost empty and the power close to used up ....

am i doing the right thing? where is this relationship heading to?
i love him too much to let go, love him too much to add on to his burden. can only share his probs, help to solve his snags .. and on my part, suffer in silence .....


~=+Shynna love him too much to voice out her pain cos she does not wana add on to his burdens+=~


Surrealistic Shynna