Have been so tied up with my work and family issues lately that i have not been writing. after trying to pick myself up so many times in life, i feel that i am back to where i started off with again... after he left... life will never be the same. i have no one to turn to, no one to sheild me from the silence and the ugliness of the world anymore...

i feel that i have seen everything clearly for this past one whole mth. i am now left on my own to go ahead with life.. there are many tings i wana share but then, i cant find the possible worlds in my mind to pen them down here.

time flies.. the world still revolves... n animals are evolving.. shud i say this is wad is called survival of the fittest? ppl fight for things, therefore i lost someone so precious to me cos i took him for granted all this while...

the story that lays behind all the laughters and the tears.. i am all mixed up .. my feelings i bottled up, keep telling myself that i have to be strong and move on with live. dun wana look back ... but deep inside i am screaming at the top of my voice .... telling myself that i am sorry for the thngs that i have done .. telling him how much i love him and how much i love him ... and wad have i become when he is no longer with me ...

i wana tell him so many things ... there are so many things that i would do to make him come back.. let us start afresh .. but no ... he will never ever come back to me ever again no matter how hard i try... i miss him ... n love him .. with every fibre of my cold black heart. i wan him to knw that if given a chance, i would die for him, i would gif up anyting juz to turn back time to where we used to be again....

wad can i do to ever do that? i dun understand how come i dun deserve his attention anymore after all these times of trying... i dun understand wad a vixen with 3 kids are so great abt a woman who once stood by him thick n thin...a woman who has betrayed him and he too betrayed... the hurts that we had inflicted into each other for so many yrs..

someone whom has accompany me from 17 to 27.. someone who watch me grow up ..

our maple story days... our movie marathon days.. days of watching heroes... days of nua-ing together ... i missed the way he practice jiu-jit-tsu on me too...

i learn to appreciate F1, learn to put up with soccer... learn the art of martial arts fighting and muay thai boxing. learn things that he enjoy to have things to share with him.. cook his favourite dishes when he came bk frm biz trip ... try to remain calm when things happen ... how come all these are juz not enough ??? i am now the perfect person that he wants me to be ... but all my efforts seems to be wasted...

all i wan him to knw is that ... things have gone by one mth.. it seems like ytd still .. nothing has changed much.. i am still waiting for his smses.. his phone calls.. waiting for his return one day to tell me that i am de perfect wife for him ....

i wana continue to care for him, be there for him.. despite the fact that he has changed... all these 10 over yrs of watching over each other ... all these sleepless nights of quarrels and fights... how come everything has to be given up cos of a vixen who pretended to be my friend?

i tot i can forget ... but after all these while..i reli miss him so much deep inside.. i still cry when i see all those photos.. i cry when miss him .. i dream of him every night when i sleep.. n that is probably the only place i can get to see him from now on ...... things happen so quickly that i have to force myself to be strong. do things that i like to drown myself out from the pain he left behind... the silence.. the dark nights when i'm all alone...


~=+Shynna is waiting for the day he return+=~


Surrealistic Shynna